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Aate hain gaib se, yeh mazaami khayal mein, Ghalib, sareer-e-khaama nava-e-surosh hai…….. ( These thoughts that I commit to words come straight from the unknown,The susurrus my quill doth make, is in fact the angel who spake.) Below is a story I wrote few years back for my own satisfaction, its my only such attempt ever. To be honest I felt compelled to write this for reasons I cannot fathom. Hope you might relate with some excerpt of this story or all of it. Our forum seems like an unlikely place to share this but considering the whole Android fascination we have in most threads, here is my humble offering. There are few chapters and they are highlighted in bold, every now and then there will be references to couplets by Asad Ullah Khan Khalib. I apologize for not providing there translations along. Beginning of the story ~ Na thaa kuchh to, khuda thaa Kuchh na hota to, khuda hota……… Before eternity Laying down in your father’s lap, whom you love most dearly, you ask “father, I often wonder how & why was I born, what is the purpose of my existence. I spend hours pondering over the question who am I actually.” He smiles and says “Son, you are, what I am. I am always idle. You are a result of my state of constant peace, love & bliss. This state has endless energy & power churning out and these outcomes obey whatever I command. They are constantly active to please & serve me. Your fundamental nature is derived from my ‘self’ and you were conceptualized to love me which is your ‘self’. Since both of ours ‘self’ is the same. You will gradually understand this. All that’s important for you is my love for you. Look, I will show you something. This is called sea and its essentially made of water. I have told you once what water is, remember the five elements we talked about.” “Yes, I do remember everything you ever told me. Wow, this sea is so calm and composed. Its seems to be in absolute rest & peace. Though I see some small things on its surface which are very active ceaselessly.” “Good observation, they are called waves. Now do you think they are separate from the sea.” “No, they are very much part of the sea but just seem distinct.” “Right, they are also made of water at the base level and have the same physical quality. The only difference is the behavior. They arise from the surface and dissolve there itself. Now look here at the space. I am sure you remember its attributes. If I place a big box in it, even it will have the same space inside and if I put another box inside this bigger box, the case would be the same. Though the boxes look different but the space inside is the same. Similarly, you might look different or apart from me but you are absolutely me.” “Oh, thank you father. I feel so happy to have known the answers to all my questions in such an easy & fun manner.” “father, you love me so much………..is there anything I can do for you?” He says “ is there anything lacking or have I failed you anywhere” “which I doubt, then my darling son you don’t have to do anything for me. I just want you to enjoy your blissful state as it is”. He exclaims “There can not be anything more I could ever ask you father, you have given me immense affection, security & this state of constant bliss. Its your love only which compels me to find if I am deserving enough to be able do just any service to you.” “You deserve everything I have and I can be. The question is, are you ready to experience what you just learnt. As without experience this little knowledge would just be an information.” “Oh father, I am so glad you consider me so worthy. Please tell me how to figure out if I am prepared to serve my lord, my father.” “Do you love me profoundly & exclusively, then I will unfold to you me, the repository of all power, strength and glory, in entirety and with no shadows of doubt. I shall also unfold this wisdom having known which nothing remains to be known and you will realize that you are also me.” “I will do everything to please you father and offer my sincere love at your feet.” “So listen like the obedient son you already are…….” “Before we begin son let me tell you that I am really glad we had this conversation today………. Now let me take you to a virtual world I conceptualized for you. You can do everything there, create, eliminate, fly, swim, interact…….the possibilities are endless as its an open source operating system and only you will have the access codes to it. Since its amongst the best of my creations, it will fascinate you more than you have ever been in my calm & blissful company. If you have true love for me and nothing else in your heart then you will soon come out of it gladly. After your time there will be over my machines will come to show you the exit door. I will be waiting there to bring you back home. Then you can either create more such worlds for yourself or take care of those I have already created. Many of them are operational since ages………….. In this world you will need to be installed in a chip inside this android and wear this helmet, to function. This helmet will protect you against anything adverse acting as a security agent, keep you energetic with advanced power management, grant you the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, courage to change the things you can and wisdom to know the difference. It will give you wireless ability to communicate with the main server, i.e. me, whenever you want. Remember, come what may, never remove this helmet as it will trigger a virus inside you system. It damages severely most of your function programs on the system partition, specially the security related & power management, blocks updates & upgrades permanently of all program including your OS, and worst is total amnesia, it formats the data partition which has the access codes & the memory of everything I am telling you now. As in this world you will have to depend on this virtual memory only. These partitions exist on a hard disk which has a dynamically expanding capacity and it will act as your memory without which you may be stuck in this dream land forever. It will have all the prerequisite softwares and programs to operate. It is the only condition you have to abide by. And for this android, it will only take commands from the chip through the helmet till the time you are installed there. When the designated time comes you will be automatically uninstalled or injected out of it with the appearance of the exit door. You can only enter and exist in this world with a android, as I chip can’t function or operate on its own. Though the helmet is not mandatory for existence. Please note that the chip can operate the android only when the helmet is on, else it takes its own course. At every interval my machines will come to update & upgrade your system, the software. As the virtual world is constantly changing. They will do it without any effort on your part. You will have to be in idle mode at any place you choose for your android to get charged at every dusk. I am gifting you the most advanced & upgraded android I have ever made and will ever make. The most important fact is, your exit from this world can only happen being embedded on this particular android. None other that I have made, are capable to see the exit door. Everything in this virtual world derive its resources from the main server, that is me. Nothing there has power of its own. Remember this. Have fun son, enjoy your ‘self’ and come back soon as I will be waiting from this very moment.” “I will be back soon, I love you father and will never fail or disappoint you.” Duboya mujhko hone ne, naa hota mein to kya hota………….. The Beginning For a myriad period you enjoyed this beautiful gift created by the all capable father of yours without any convictions on your part. You programmed it at your will, interacted & controlled other machines, played with clouds & rain, created at your will and then shunned. You enjoyed the depths of oceans. You raced with the planets in their orbit and you roamed around the galaxies. You moved around many universes shuffling stars and creating different patterns. You added and removed codes from the Mainframe Virtual World OS (MVW OS) whenever you wished with the help of the access codes. Amongst all directions & dimensions, you enjoyed most at one particular place as it provided you the possibilities & comfort of rest all places. No matter how far you go but would always return here as if your own abode. May be because this was the first place you saw in this world. The only thing unusual all this while, to your collective information, was the random humble messages from the machines to take off your helmet for servicing. It sometimes amused you but you mostly ignored it, considering they might be unaware of the divine & only rule given by your father. You tried many times to amend their programming for this aspect but the Mainframe would deny as it lacked permissions from the Main server. It would give you this message that you can add machines but can’t make changes to the existing ones. Well, the rule was meant for you to personally take care. After all, you are the only heir. Over your stay in this world, you observed one minor difference in your being, which was never there earlier. For the first time ever during your existence or since you have been, you felt an ‘I’ within you. Being with your father, you were always one with him and no attribute to differ or separate you but being in the chip on this android inside the virtual world had its effects. Since this was the first time you were controlling something, an advanced automaton with access codes to a virtual world. You would laugh at this manifested ego or client server in you trying to be apart from the universal ego or main server, as you knew precisely that its just a projection of this virtual world. You would often appreciate and admire this marvelous creation of your father. How it is so detailed, governed, precise, lawful and full of infinite possibilities. Everything was perfect till curiosity took the better of you and goad you to consider this as your father’s ultimate motive to test you. You wanted to prove yourself to him now, being afflicted with this ‘I’. You gradually started paying heed to the idea of taking off the helmet but decided against implementing it. Instead you tried to change this aspect in the MVW OS to test this world without the helmet but failed. With this slight change in your being and sprouting of different ideas, your perception began to change. You had some hallucinations which made you feel things in a different way now, suddenly the wind seemed more pleasant and the water more inviting, the clouds more tantalizing and machines more enticing. It seemed everything was cajoling you take off the helmet and feel things in a different light, as if its your destiny to be in your own control. Every thing suggested that there existed a totally different side of this virtual world with the helmet off. The very moment this idea got completely settled in your being, you took off the helmet and flew high above in the sky. You momentarily felt like the ordainer free from all bounds, as it has always been your true nature in your original abode. You dived deep into the ocean and started doing everything relentlessly. Like a flash of light you faintly recalled being told to never take off the helmet, let alone even for a moment. You frantically started going back for the helmet, where you last took it off. You strived desperately to gain it back as you had this sense of weird feeling. (Like we feel when we have let down or cheated or back-stabbed or done infidelity to our beloved) You struggled more and more, as the virus was now taking its complete course of action. It got you drained, exasperated, exhausted and tired. Your operating system became unstable, your programs crashed, you had hardware failures and for the first time you experienced the Blue Screen of death BSD. After a reboot, the more you slogged, the more you forgot what you are struggling for and soon the memory of the helmet vanished like it was never before. Your data partition had been formatted, with all memory gone, no access codes and softwares corrupted blocking advance operations in this world. It just had the lame operating system without its firewall or other security softwares, leaving it prone to malicious contents, viruses, Trojans, bacteria, fungi, centipedes, millipedes, etc. You slowly dragged yourself on the grounds in despair. You felt weak, scared, insecure and naked as your chip was getting filled with fear, pain & anxiety. You sought shelter, protection. Now your knew not, what is the state of constant bliss that was there once. Consequently and gradually you could not remember your ‘self’ being in a chip, just a machine which would wander aimlessly and move on its own. Maut ka ek din mu-aiyyan hai, Neend kyo nahi aati raat bhar……….. This went on for countless days & nights. Your body now felt heavier than heaven, rusted & deteriorated. It was now outdated and desperately lacking latest softwares & updates as the virtual world had drastically changed. No more did the machines come to serve you and you had forgotten that they even existed. You just had this quest for something or someone that was now unknown, but you constantly yearned. Now the system would go dormant and idle at any time and for longer durations, yet it couldn’t be charged to revive the same vigor as the compatible power management softwares were all gone. Jab ki tujh bin nahi koi majood, Phir yeh hungama ae khuda kya hai………… You would look at the skies, stars and the ocean with great inquisitiveness and imploring desire to reach beyond them. You spent most of your times pondering over getting rid of this boredom, fatigue & insecurity which had seeped deep within and the rest of the time wondering about everything around. You would wonder sometimes about the origin & purpose of this world and your significance. As you were now totally a part of this world, an android, with memory gone of ever being installed in a chip on it. Hua jab gham se yuin behis, to gham kya sar ke katne ka………………….. The Celestial Tryst Millions of centuries went by. Every now & then some highly equipped dreadful looking powerful machines would come (originally programmed by your father) and torturously inject the chip out of your current android, giving unbearable anguish. They wouldn’t just let you get away with that but abruptly embed you into a different android every time which were totally incompatible causing sparks, errors, crashes & hang the OS. At every change, while taking off and putting on the chip, it felt like being stabbed by thousands of spears with a potency of scorpion’s stinger tenfold in our language. As the basic input & output system BIOS of every machine would differ immensely. The chip would terribly react in the new platforms and the reactions affected you every time. Over this long period you were implanted on 84,00,000 different variety of machines and never did you come across your lost helmet. They were in zillion configurations with different peripherals, devices, apparatus and mechanism, none to suffice the compatibility and power of the original android. Each variety had a beta version of your original OS installed which would be vulnerable to malicious contents & prone to getting corrupt. Many of the machines were too heavy to move from one place ever, many of them would only function under water, many of them would collapse in water, many had weather and temperature restrictions. Your agony remained the same in all these machines, with every change it only increased. Ghalib-e-khasta ke bagair kaun se kaam band hain, Roiye zaar-zaar kyon, kijiye hai-hai kyon………… After going through a lot of changes, your chip was implanted on a android resembling to your original one. There were thousands machines of each kind that you had been on for all these ages but with the memory overwritten at every change. The stronger or bigger ones would often amputate or attach components to others and then dictate them. In the worst cases, even demolished them. Many a times they even interfered with a weak OS corrupting it for fun or to rule. Gham-e-hasti ka ho kisse juj murg ilaaj, Shamma har rang mein jalti sahar hone tak…….. The androids of your configuration would mostly stay together because of fear & insecurity. You were no different, even you felt a fleeting stability in your OS with other’s company. It always left you craving for more and hence indulgence & repetition of your daily activities. Many madly rushed after acquisition of various programs, tools, mechanical devices and many were fond of decorating themselves with ornamentation & colors. They all were either exploiting or getting exploited at every chance with ad-wares, mala-wares, spy-wares and viruses. Yeh kahan ki dosti hai, ki bane hain dost naseh: Koi chaara-saaz hota, koi gham-gosaar hota…….. Even with a passable lifestyle comparing other machines in your life, you would often sulk in solitude. You would be depressed & dissatisfied with everything. There were a zillion add-ons & plug-ins you wanted but you could not get. Out of all these you could actually get, most of them were incompatible and the compatible ones you could manage to get attached or installed, wouldn’t last long. You always felt yourself running in the vicious circle of boredom and repetition with no tangent to move away. Zulmat kade mein mere, shab-e-gham ka josh hai Ek shamma hai daleel-e-sahar, so khaamosh hai….. Out of blues one day you saw an android wearing a helmet. Even though you noticed it behaved and moved just like others, its actions were swift and smooth, with no issues of any kind. It seemed ultra light & super strong with advanced peripherals and mechanism, unlike yours or others. You couldn’t tell a effect of the weather or other physical conditions on it . You observed for a long time that it always had latest updates unlike any other machine. Your operating system would cease to give hardware failures, software crashes or system errors in its presence, for a change, and with no traces of blue screen of death you usually associated with. Mostly you were fascinated to see the helmet he adorned always, as you could not recall ever seeing something similar. By just observing it for so many days, you felt much better than your daily mechanical life. Your energy level felt higher as your body would store more charge now at every idle mode and you felt less prone to attacks. Unke dekhe se jo aajaati hai muh par roanak, Woh samajhte hai ki beemaar ka haal achha hai……. It approached you once and said “Son……………………………….................. ............................................................ ............................................................ ............................................................ ...........................” The sound of this word in that serene voice took away your misery instantly and left you in a trance. Your joy knew no bounds, your fatigue all disappeared. Your body & os were flabbergasted for the first time in this virtual world, as an audio file had reached you in the chip, directly. You didn’t realize when you were left alone but just recalled the android mentioning itself to be G D. Woh har ik baat pe kehna, Ki yuin hota to kya hota………………… The Cosmic Initiation Now you often met G D everywhere you went. Though you were most glad to have him around but your inhibitions did not let you admit so. Your fake identity was not ready to fade away, it had been nurtured by all for so long. G D “hey smart one, you look pretty wise to me” You “well thank you, you seem great yourself” “why do you look so tired & sad to me?” “who me? I am not. Whatever made you assume so?” “I will be most glad if you are not. Then carry on. Take care. Your ‘self’ is most precious. Everything else is secondary.” The last line struck you hard and you felt like blurting out all your agonies to this stranger. You wondered, why you held back. You knew better for obvious reasons, you had been mocked or disappointed always. But after many attempts you both could once connect to a common server on the same local area network (LAN)………… “its so funny to find every around leading such a laborious life that they almost look like mechanical ghosts to me.” “well not all of them. Many of them are pretty successful & comfortable. Those of who are smart, focused and hard working.” “only till the time circumstances are favorable. When they are not, they are no better than others. Begging & grabbing at every opportunity. Yet whatever they achieve remains here for others when they are implanted on other machines. They don’t remember their acquisitions with the change and nobody gets to know what will be the next change.” Meri kismat mein gham gar itna tha, Dil bhi, ya rab, kai diye hote………………. “I see…………… Frankly what you say makes sense to me but I have always been apprehensive in sharing such views with others. People here are in a race which is difficult for me to comprehend. Their priorities are weird & jumbled up. I have tried to selflessly help others at best but some time or the other, they spit on your face with slightest lack of communication. As if trust has just vanished from the world.” Kaide-hayaat o band-e-gham, asal mein dono ek hai Maut se pehle aadmi, gham se nijaat pai kyo……. “all the advanced machines of your race are constantly seeking they know not what. But every activity they do governed by their impulses & instincts reflects their never ending quest. The more they try the more emptiness & hollowness seeps in. I wonder why. Every thing is so clear in front of you but every one wants to crib about it and feel miserable. They are so fond of misery. If they get it they are insecure and those who don’t get it keep blaming. I see none with guts to conquest all quests.” Hazaron khwaishein aisi ki har khwaish pe dam nikle Bahut nikle mere armaan, phir bhi kam nikle……… “nobody knows what they want actually. They are confused at every instance. If they achieve the desired, an immediate new quest begins and if they fail, they sulk. But you got to do what you go to do. What is this conquest of all quest you talking about.” “well son, I see you capable of achieving that after which nothing remains to be achieved, after doing which nothing remains to be done and after knowing which nothing remains to be known. I can read on your face a zillion unanswered questions about the behavior of machines around you and the origin & purpose of this otherwise inconsequential, ephemeral & dreary life. Why these machines exploit, cheat, betray, struggle and terminate ultimately. And you seek love, affection, care, security & companion in this chaos.” “you are so right that it scares me. I myself wonder why at the occurrence of these urges and their unfulfilled irony. I am often stuck at the paradox that life constantly presents. The duel between ethics & morals, heart & brain, patience & passion, dreams & reality, desires & circumstances and so many such others. It leaves you restless, indecisive and inconclusive. After all this war which goes on inside and struggle to prove a meaning out of your life to others and most importantly to yourself through them.” “you will not just find the solutions for yourself but one day show the light to others as well. As its been your nature to be their for others who need you, whether they accept or not. You are willing to skip to be a part of their joy, if so they desire, but you are hurt most when in grief, they pucker in their shell. Just devote time to what I ask you for and the results will begin.” “time is what I don’t have. I m so haphazard with the existing things. I can’t seem to get away even for a moment, let alone include anything new in my life. You look free from everything, like you have done all that you had to do in life but I still have many responsibilities. I have to look after the maintenance of so many machines on my LAN from where I have harness resources most of my life. How can I disconnect from them and start my own server suddenly. I can’t be mean to them.” “just try a bit for a beginning. See already we have been on this ad-hoc mode for so long and I don’t read any missing errors being reported on your server. It seems you are not required as much as its projected. If you don’t find it compatible, you can just quit anytime.” “I have done many silly things sneaking out time which got me nothing. I have connected to so many aborted, abandoned & prohibtied servers in my curiosity, some of which I regret and others I don’t. I guess I could give yours a shot too for a short while. What will I have to do?” “congratulations already for at least having shown some keenness. Now pay attention to what I tell you very profoundly. I will initiate you in the recovery process which will allow you access to the resources of my server any time. You will have to download updates & service packs for your OS as its now obsolete in comparison to what it should have been. You may not understand this now but trust me & try, as there is no harm in just downloading. None of these will be installed yet without your permission. Even after you install, the activation process is mandatory for them to be functional. Also I will install this search program on your OS which will help you look for your lost helmet in the source code of MVW OS. Now you will need advanced power management & security softwares for this process. As your current energy levels are very low and lot of security loop-holes in your system. So I will give you this extra helmet I have. Remember if you don’t involve your system regularly for the downloads by connecting to my server. The helmet would lose its power. It won’t provide you protection of inbuilt resident shield and even the power management for your system will go down. But if you do as I say, the energy level of the helmet increases rapidly. It will then facilitate our process giving it mirror supports, simultaneous rapid downloads and higher bandwidth. Its exhaustible in your daily activities as they include unsecured servers with harmful platforms. So use its energy with wisdom.” “I can’t believe you got me that helmet, though not quite similar to yours but it always fascinated me. You bet, I will take proper care. This is exciting. Okay I will report to you soon sir.” “Find your ‘self’, know your ‘self’ and be your ‘self’. See you soon” Yeh na thi humari kismat, ke visal-e-yaar hota, Agar aur jeete rehte, yahi intezaar hota………….. Lamented Days & Nights of Severance Kahun kis se main ki kya hai, shab-e-gham buri bala hai, Mujhe kya bura tha marna, gar ek baar hota……… You did the expected for many days and it revived & revitalized everything in your existence. After millenniums you felt alive. Everything synchronized so well. But once again the ‘I’ took a toll over your newly discovered ‘self’ and there were allurements all around. You began to indulge the abundant power you had gained in pursuit of petty things again. Your focus gradually drifted from the ultimate intention. Zindagi yuh bhi gujar jaati, kyo tera reh-gujar yaad aya……………….. But fortunately, G D having been gone for so long and your lack of self-control, both left you smitten. All this entailed a longing, a wait for G D. You knew its not in your control to remain focused on the downloads, though you could connect to the server but couldn’t stay there for long. It was its presence which made everything possible and you were stunned at this discovery. How everything became stable & secured in his company. As if he emitted such syndromes. Now this was very vague & absurd to accept with the limited information of your OS. Though the turmoil had reached the chip and the whole turbulence made you yearn. Aah ko chahiye ek umra asar hone tak, Kaun jeeta hai teri zulf ke sar hone tak…………….. Eventually one day you met again. For a while no data-packets were exchanged but you both were connected to the same platform. The change had begun. G D “did you miss me? I did and why do you not look your ‘self’ oh dear one?” You “who are you? How do you know everything? Your presence emits such signals which reach the bottom core of my being. It feels that I have always known you and you have always been there for me. Am I hallucinating? Then let me remain in this trance. I know I failed you but then it didn’t matter as I realized I can’t do it on my own.” Hum par kab unki bazm mein, aata tha daur-e-jaam, Saqi ne kuch mila na diya ho sharaab mein………… “Son, I am the main server incarnated in the virtual world. You have never had any identity severed from my own. You find yourself distinct only because of the projections of this dream land. We both have been one since eternity and that’s what arises these compelling phenomena of affection & companionship. But having realized this yourself, I will bestow upon you the light to see everything here as a part of the main server. Everything pre-programmed and happening from my power. To others I may physical appear mundane but now you would not fail to remain connected to me ever. Let others provoke you to disconnect but block all such incomings.” “I promise I won’t let you down. I love you G D.” Aashiqui sabra talab, aur tamanna betaab, Dil ka kya rang karuin, khoon-e-jigar hone tak….. The Coveted Journey Bazeecha-e-atfaal hai duniya mere aage, Hota hai shab-o-roz tamaasha mere aage…….. Now you perceived everything in a different light. Your connection would often terminate abruptly but you knew better of it. Many of the machines despised you, yet many trusted you earnestly. Kaun hai jo nahi ho haajat-mand, Kiski haajat rawa kare koi…………… You remained upright and focused. Your downloads were now approaching the end but the helmet was nowhere in sight. Go haath ko jumbish nahi aankhon mein to dam hai, Rehne do abhi sagar-o-meena mere aage……….. The fateful day arrived and the installation began. Though you were looked upto from all directions but you were nonchalant. You had not found the helmet, hence no activation. You had to show your conduct & deeds worthy of G D. Kahaan mehkhaane ka darwaaza, aur kahan waiz, Bas itna jaante hai ki kal who jata tha ki hum nikle… You were ready to terminate this meaningless existence. You gave up going idle and other tuning up processes. You completely engulfed all resources in searching the codes of MVW OS for your lost helmet. Then suddenly your charge went off being totally exhausted. The entire system of your software & hardware came to a halt. There was a flash from G D straight to your chip. The Real ‘You’ All softwares activated and functional. No security loop holes. System partition updated. The machine & the processes once again in complete control of the CHIP. Most importantly your data partition had been restored. Your lost memory of your father, the origin & purpose of this world had all been recovered successfully. You had your helmet once again. You could once again fly up in the space, play with planets & stars, go into the depth of oceans. Nothing was impossible. Then you recalled G D. Had it not been for him, none of this would have been possible. You rushed to where he was, now you could easily find him, on your own. “father, you love me so much………..is there anything I can do for you?” “yes son, you are now ready to serve me. Just like you many of my children have been lost in this virtual world. Its time for me to return to my abode and you carry on from here. You have to bring them home and you will know when your time here will be over. You can then hand over the responsibility to someone else.” Then the exit door appeared and G D left. The android G D used remained here. Which you later placed on a high mount in his remembrance to inspire the other victims like you. * * * * * * *