KumaarShah 143 Report post Posted April 6, 2007 An elderly lady phoned her telephone company An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring. Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found: 1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar. 2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose. 3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called. 4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground. 5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring. Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning. Sounds similar to our great RCL, na!!!! ha ha ha Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KumaarShah 143 Report post Posted April 7, 2007 Wild Irish Ho's An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father cursed her. Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute..." "Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family." "OK, Dad -- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million." "For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath)... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and..." "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff. "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
drali 6 Report post Posted April 10, 2007 shah ji, kamaal kar ditta.... good one! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
theking 35 Report post Posted April 10, 2007 ha ha...good one kumaar! its all bout money, honey! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KumaarShah 143 Report post Posted April 11, 2007 Tarzan, King of the Elephant Trunk Tarzan gets into a huge fight with a lion in the jungles of Africa. The lion is defeated, but not before it rips off Tarzan's arm, eye, and ****. Of course, Tarzan's jungle friends help him out by giving him the parts he needs -- the eye of an eagle, the arm of a gorilla, and an elephant trunk for a ****. A while later, Cheeta the Chimp asks Tarzan how his new parts are working out for him. "Tarzan like. With new eye, can see far. With new arm, Tarzan strong. But no like new wee-wee." "Why's that?" "It keep taking weeds and shoving in Tarzan's ***." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KumaarShah 143 Report post Posted April 12, 2007 Ned: The Most Popular Man in the World Bill and Ned walk into a fast food joint one afternoon to get lunch. Bill orders and the cashier gives him his meal. Ned goes up to order and the cashier greets him with "Hello Ned! How are you? Hey everybody! Ned's here!" Everybody in the restaurant comes up and says hello to Ned. After everyone has greeted him, Bill and Ned sit down and begin to eat. "Ned, you're pretty popular!" says Bill. "I'm the most popular man in the world," says Ned. "Now Ned," says Bill, your pretty popular but you're not the most popular man in the world." "Oh yeah," Ned replies "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I'm friends with anybody you can name!" "That so?" answers Bill, "How about the President of the United States?" "Let's go!" says Ned. The two fly to Washington and knock on the front door of the White House. The president answers, "Ned! How are you doing? I haven't seen you in ages!" The three go play a round of golf and then leave. "That was luck!" says Bill, "Two thousand says your not friends with the Queen of England!" "Let's go!" says Ned. The two fly to Buckingham Palace and, sure enough, are greeted by the Queen. ''Hello Ned my boy! What have you been up to these days?" They enter the palace and have some tea and leave. Frustrated, Bill says, "Double or nothing, you don't know the Pope!" "Benny!" says Ned, "Let's go!" When they get to the Vatican, Ned instructs Bill to wait outside and Ned will come out on the balcony with his arm around the Pope. After a while, a crowd gathers to hear the Pope speak. And as told by Ned, when the Pope came out, Ned's arm was wrapped around him. Ned looks down from the balcony and see's Bill passed out on the ground. He rushes down and wakes him up. "Bill! Bill! Wake up!" Bill opens his eyes and says, "Ned. You're the most popular man in the world." "I told you that, Bill," says Ned, "but you didn't faint when I knew the President! You didn't faint when I knew the Queen!" "Well I was shocked that you knew the Pope," says Bill. "But I just couldn't take it when the guy next to me tapped me on the shoulder and said "Who's that up there with Ned?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
drali 6 Report post Posted April 13, 2007 By the year 3000........ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Honest 836 Report post Posted April 17, 2007 ^^^ @drali2 Goodone again from your side my dear friend. Keep posting. Regards. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
drali 6 Report post Posted April 19, 2007 Ways To Tell A Man His Fly Is Unzipped 1. The cucumber has left the salad. 2. I can see the gun of Navarone. 3. Someone tore down the wall, and your Pink Floyd is hanging out. 4. You've got Windows on your laptop. 5. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little shore leave. 6. Your soldier ain't so unknown now. 7. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells. 8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position. 9. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson... 10. Your pod bay door is open, Hal. 11. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building! 12. Mini Me is making a break for the escape pod. 13. Ensign Hanes is reporting a hull breach on the lower deck, Sir! 14. The Buick is not all the way in the garage. 15. Dr. Kimble has escaped! 16. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of Hillary." 17. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction... 18. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones. 19. I'm talking about Shaft, can you dig it? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
drali 6 Report post Posted April 20, 2007 some funny pics Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
chandramauli 0 Report post Posted July 21, 2007 hi all... did anyone try this ..... Open a Word document and type the following: =rand(200,99) Press Enter and wait 3 seconds... Microsoft is looking to reward anyone who can explain it. It's ok to do, nothing damaging just interesting!!! Regards Chandramauli Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Arun 795 Report post Posted July 21, 2007 Bill Gates isn't going to reward anyone for finding out the reason for that, but it is a test feature included inside Word for checking the font. It isn't considered as an Easter egg either, but it is documented in Microsoft's knowledgebase. The test sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog." contains all the 26 characters of the English alphabets. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
drali 6 Report post Posted October 1, 2007 WARNING: Read the message below before scrolling down and viewing the picture!!! For those of you with a weak stomach and/or heart problems: DO NOT go any further. This is quite shocking. He fell from a fair height and on impact he literally split open and his internals came out... You can see the horror on thefaces of those around him. If you are strong enough, then only proceed. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ouch! now that looks painful eh! hehe Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nitinmukesh123 11 Report post Posted October 4, 2008 One Liners: Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair. George Burns Sex is like a cards game: if you don't have a good partner it is better you have a good hand. The walls are the publishers of the poor - Eduardo Galeano Blessed is the man who having nothing to say abstains from giving in word evidence of the fact. Nobody is completely useless. They can always serve as a bad example. Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me.... "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." Sex is like air, you never give it a second thought, until you not getting any The more you complain, the longer God lets you live. To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends. people i meet are like light bulbs, they appear bright until they open their mouth. "In order to dodge bullets...practice dodging bullets" Jeanpenntoo If my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle... If at first you don't succeed - cover up any evidence that you ever even tried unlike stupidity, intelligence has limitations. It is better to keep ones mouth shut and be thought ignorant than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt! Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. Winston Churchill Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Asit 4 Report post Posted January 2, 2009 I found this one on BIG B's blog. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Greatest 55 Report post Posted January 29, 2009 SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbor. COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away... TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead. LEHMAN BROTHERS VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at Bear-Sterns, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. The public then buys your bull. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy.... AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Asit 4 Report post Posted January 31, 2009 If RIMWeb got two cows, then...................................? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Greatest 55 Report post Posted January 31, 2009 (edited) a) Hetal will start to think on how to make them work in such a way that they produce the milk of 4 cows... b ) Karki would sms to everyone and say that "Rimweb is the proud website having 2 cows. contact me for more details" c) Sadikkbhai would say, "The price for 2 cows is USD 111, incl. courier charges, and mind it I use only Blue Dart" (This will be shown in his signature column) d) Arun will say, "Lets make these two cows accessible to everyone in the world by launching the website, "www.2cowsrimweb.com e) Apna Honestbhai, " My dear friends....... " f) Kalpakbhai, "See the definition is very easy... you have to milk one cow, and make the other graze... once the other cow has done grazing, make the current cow to graze, for maximum throughput.." g) our latest entrant, Dr. Muffaddal, "Nice invention by rimweb... can I borrow the 2 cows for a few days, so that I shall post a proper review of them....." These are all the members I think would be the happiest among the lot..... NO OFFENSE Guys... Nothing is intentional.. I am just trying to make your weekend a little bit more happier... (I just hope I am not banned from this site... ) Edited January 31, 2009 by Greatest Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dkaile 1,051 Report post Posted January 31, 2009 LOL, HILARIOUS............... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Greatest 55 Report post Posted January 31, 2009 ^^ forgot to add ur name in the list... h) dkaile would say, "{html} {body} The 2 cows are really very interesting than the Palm and 6800 and acer aspire one and my senheizer headphones and also my dog... I would plan to gift it to my wife..... but kuch bhi bolo... Palm PRE is the most happenening thing in earth right now {/body} {/html}" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dkaile 1,051 Report post Posted January 31, 2009 Well, my Dog is a Labrador and he is certainly more interesting than these cows....LOL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KumaarShah 143 Report post Posted January 31, 2009 @greatest, That was really hilarious!!!! You have made my week-end.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Greatest 55 Report post Posted January 31, 2009 (edited) @dhiraj, congratulations to your lab... he has just become famous on rimweb...!! @kumaarshah, thanks dude... nala irukkringala? Edited January 31, 2009 by Greatest Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KumaarShah 143 Report post Posted January 31, 2009 ^^^ Romba nalla irukiren!!!! Ungaloda kadai/kavithai padichit romba, romba nalla irukiren!!!! Romba nanri ungalukku!!! What about you? maja ma ne? Hope you have caught on gujju by now!!!! BTW are you Tamilian or gujju or something else altogether? I am a gujju born and brought up in Chennai. My roots are from Rajkot, of course. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
