Greatest 55 Report post Posted May 30, 2009 ^^^ ha ha.. hilarious... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KumaarShah 143 Report post Posted May 30, 2009 @ Umesh, all the above are very hilarious. Good ones.... Thanks for the entertainment after such a boring time at RW for the last month or more... Welcome change, wish more and more.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CUPIDON 0 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 ^^^^ Thanks Kumaar Shah & Greatest OLD RAPIST Two old men meet on a street corner. The first old man said, "Where have you been for the last couple of months?" The second old man replied, "I was in jail." The firsst old man asked, "You were in jail? Why were you in jail?" He replied, "Well, about two months ago I was standing on a corner, and this beautiful young woman rushes up with a policeman, points to me and says, 'He is the man, officer, he is the one who attacked and raped me'." The first old man said, "What? And you let her get away with it?" Second old replied, "Well, I'll tell you, I felt so flattered, I admitted to it." __________________ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CUPIDON 0 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 MAID AFFAIR A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the housemaid. She thought of a plan to take him by surprise. One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid's room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed. Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid's bed beside her... After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked, "Surprised?" "I sure am, ma'am!" stammered the chauffeur Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Greatest 55 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 ^^ ha ha..!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CUPIDON 0 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 EXPENSE STATEMENT EXPENSE STATEMENT 3/10 Ad for female stenographer 100 4/10 Flowers for new stenographer 30 6/10 Weeks salary for new stenographer 1500 9/10 Roses for new stenographer 100 10/10 Sweets for wife 15 13/10 Lunch for stenographer 280 15/10 Weeks salary for stenographer 2000 16/10 Film tickets for wife and self 100 18/10 Play ticket for steno and self 2000 19/10 Icecream for wife 50 22/10 Steno's salary 3000 23/10 Champagne and dinner for steno and self 2000 25/10 Doctor for stupid stenographer 5000 26/10 Necklace for wife 20000 27/10 Ad for male stenographer 100 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CUPIDON 0 Report post Posted June 1, 2009 TALKING SLOWLY These two guys meet after not having seen each other for many, many years. First guy asks the second guy, "How have things been going?" The second guy speaking very slowly, tells the first guy, I.....w...a...s......a...l...m...o...s..t........m ...a...r...r...i...e..d" The first guy says in amazement, "Hey, you've lost your stutter!" The reply comes, "Y..e..s, .I......w..e..n..t.......t..o.....a.....d..o..c..t .o..r......a..n..d. . ..he...... t..o..l..d..... m..e.... t..h..a..t....... i..f....... I...... s..p..e...a..k.......... s..l..o..w.l..y.......... I .... w..o..u..l..d........ n..o..t....... s..t..u...t..t..e..r." The friend congratulates him and then asks about how he was almost married. "W..e..l..l,........ m..y........ f..i..a..n..c..e..e.......a..n..d........ I...... w..e... r..e........ s..i.t..t..i..n..g...... o..n.......h..e..r....... p..o..r..c..h...... a..n...d.... t..h..e... d..o..g... w..a..s..... s...c..r..a..t..c..h..i..n....g......... h..i..s......b..a..c..k......s.o..... I..... t..o..l..d.... h.e..r...... t...h..a.t........w...h..e..n....... w..e.......a..r..e..... m..a..r..r..i..e.d,........ s..h..e...... c..a .n...... d..o....... t..h..a..t..... f..o..r..... m..e...... a..n..d....... t..h..e..n....... s.h..e...... t..h..r..e..w....... t..h..e..... r..i..n..g..... i..n..... m..y....... f ..a..c..e" Why should she throw the ring in your face for that?" asks the friend. "W..e..l..l, .... I........s..p..e..a..k........s..o........s..l..o. .w.l..y,.....t..h..a..t..... .b..y.....t..h..e...... t..i...m...e........ s.h..e........ l..o..o..k..e..d...... .a..t ....... t..h..e ..... .d..o..g,..... h..e..... . w..a..s..........l..i..c..k..i..n..g........ .h..i..s ......... b..a..l..l..s." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KumaarShah 143 Report post Posted June 13, 2009 The Dentist The Dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man a shot. "No way! No needles! I hate needles," the patient said. The Dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man objects. "I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!" The Dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. "No objection," the patient says. "I'm fine with pills." The Dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet." The patient says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a painkiller!!!" "It doesn't," said the Dentist, "but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull your tooth." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KumaarShah 143 Report post Posted June 13, 2009 These are just pencils!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Greatest 55 Report post Posted June 13, 2009 ^^^ haha... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KumaarShah 143 Report post Posted June 13, 2009 (edited) ^^^ Thanks, Greatest..... The Law of the Garbage Truck One day, I hopped into a taxi and took off for the airport . We were driving in the right lane when suddenly, a black car, jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed the brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. I mean, was really friendly. So I asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck' He explained, "Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. NEVER take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on with the routine life." Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so...... 'Love the people who treat you right.. Pray for the ones who don't.' A very rightly said quote: Life is 10% what you make and 90% how you take! Edited June 13, 2009 by KumaarShah Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KumaarShah 143 Report post Posted June 13, 2009 (edited) Not very sure if this was posted elsewhere on RW earlier. If it was posted, mods/admins may please delete this post.... INTERVIEW OF WARREN BUFFET There was a one hour interview on CNBC with Warren Buffet, the second richest man who has donated $31 billion to charity. Here are some very interesting aspects of his life: 1. He bought his first share at age 11 and he now regrets that he started too late! 2. He bought a small farm at age 14 with savings from delivering newspapers. 3. He still lives in the same small 3-bedroom house in mid-town Omaha , that he bought after he got married 50 years ago. He says that he has everything he needs in that house. His house does not have a wall or a fence. 4. He drives his own car everywhere and does not have a driver or security people around him. 5. He never travels by private jet, although he owns the world's largest private jet company. 6. His company, Berkshire Hathaway, owns 63 companies. He writes only one letter each year to the CEOs of these companies, giving them goals for the year. He never holds meetings or calls them on a regular basis. He has given his CEO's only two rules. Rule number 1: do not lose any of your share holder's money. Rule number 2: Do not forget rule number 1. 7. He does not socialize with the high society crowd. His past time after he gets home is to make himself some pop corn and watch Television. 8. Bill Gates, the world's richest man met him for the first time only 5 years ago. Bill Gates did not think he had anything in common with Warren Buffet. So he had scheduled his meeting only for half hour. But when Gates met him, the meeting lasted for ten hours and Bill Gates became a devotee of Warren Buffet. 9. Warren Buffet does not carry a cell phone, nor has a computer on his desk. His advice to young people: "Stay away from credit cards and invest in yourself and Remember: A. Money doesn't create man but it is the man who created money. B. Live your life as simple as you are. C. Don't do what others say, just listen to them, but do what makes you feel good. D. Don't go on brand name; just wear those things in which you feel comfortable. E. Don't waste your money on unnecessary things; just spend on things that you really need. F. After all it's your life, then why give others the chance to rule your life." Edited June 13, 2009 by KumaarShah Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Honest 836 Report post Posted June 14, 2009 My dear Kumaar, thanks for the great article The Law of Garbage Truck. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KumaarShah 143 Report post Posted June 15, 2009 ^^^ Thanks Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CUPIDON 0 Report post Posted June 15, 2009 ^^^^^ Good ones Kumaar, carry on the gud work. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CUPIDON 0 Report post Posted June 20, 2009 Shiney Ahuja Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Greatest 55 Report post Posted June 20, 2009 ^^^^ very sad... an interesting actor might be framed for this..!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Honest 836 Report post Posted June 22, 2009 ^^^ Very correct dear Greatest.....this interesting ACTOR is now under the MAID factor......! Lol ! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
situ1962 21 Report post Posted August 7, 2009 (edited) Hi friends,let's shareour jokes here.i start with the following.enjoy. Joke : I quit drinking    I Quit Drinking (joke)  This particular joke won an award for the best joke competition Organized in Britain: A man walks into a bar in Londonand ordered 3-glasses of beer and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more. The bartender asks him, You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time. The man replies, Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai, the other in Canada and Im here in London. When they left home, we promised that well drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there. The man became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn. One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers All the other regulars notice and fall silent.When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, I dont want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere condolences on your great loss. The man looked confused for a moment, then he laughs.... Oh, no, he, said, Everyones fine - both my brothers are alive. The only thing is I just quit drinking...! !!   KEEP SMILING...............  Edited August 7, 2009 by situ1962 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mukeshlst 5 Report post Posted December 2, 2009 (edited) Gabbar singh-Kitne aadmi the? Kalia- sardar 2.(Reliance and Tata) Gabbar-wo 2 or tum itne sare(Airtel,voda,aricel,bsnl,mtnl,mts,spice,bpl,idea)fir bhi pit ke aa gaye.socha sardar bahut khush hoga.. Kalia-sardar hum gunde hai aur vo hero log… public sirf hero log ko appreciate karte hai… goondo ko nahi! hame bhi hero ka role karna padega!! Gabbar-hmmm you are right! but i’m a born looter. i cannot change myself. Kalia-to sardar hame dakugiri band kar koi or bussiness start karna hoga,yaha to apni watt lag chuki h. :Contento: plz click (+) if you liked my story.... plz moderator put my story at right place... Edited December 2, 2009 by Arun << Topic Merged >> 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
vvinayakpai 26 Report post Posted December 2, 2009 Good story. Apt situation!!!!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
::Hitesh:: 1,763 Report post Posted December 2, 2009 (edited) Good story, but what is the story all about Network ? call charges ? Customer care ? etc? am very poor in story reading, i did not get the moral of the story, if it is only for fun then LoL ! ! Edited December 2, 2009 by hitesh123 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
shubhanyu 13 Report post Posted December 2, 2009 Hey ... that's unfair! Asking for reputation points for a story! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
abhi.r 95 Report post Posted July 20, 2010 Look Momma, im among the top posters today Dunno where to post this, but thought this wud be appropiate place where people wont mind Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
