Non SMS Stuff

[Chirag 5]

Anything that is not SMS(160 characters) and are plainly fwds or longer jokes, can go on this thread!

Chandramauli, ur posts have been merged here!

[karpar 1]

That was a good one chandramauli...

And that was a cool bit of javascripting on your site turbasu...

[chandramauli 0]

thnx chirag

and u too vishal !!

i hope u will also like other stuff i post

[chandramauli 0]

1stly sorry to break the rulez... the jokes section is so full tht ppl dont bother to read the stuff in there .... but read this its cool and your laugh your way to glory !!

___________________________________________________________________

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID

number?"

Customer: "Hi, I'd like to place an order."

Operator: "I must have your NIDN first, sir?"

Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's

6102049998-45-54610."

Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland

Drive, and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln

Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Email address is

sheehan@ home.net Which number are you calling from, sir?"

Customer: "Huh? I'm at home. Where d'ya get all this information?"

Operator: "We're wired into the HSS, sir."

Customer: "The HSS, what is that?"

Operator: "We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This

will add only 15 seconds to your ordering time"

Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your

All-Meat Special pizzas."

Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."

Customer: "Whaddya mean?"

Operator: "Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that

you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol.

Your National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice."

Customer: "What?!?! What do you recommend, then?"

Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll

like it."

Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"

Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your

local library last week, sir. That's why I made the suggestion."

Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then."

Operator: "That should be plenty for you, your wife and your four kids,

and your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99."

Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash.

Your credit card balance is over its limit."

Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your

driver gets here."

Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's

overdrawn also."

Customer: "Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready.

How long will it take?"

Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45

minutes, sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick 'em up while you're

out getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a

little awkward."

Customer: "Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?"

Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your

car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank

yesterday"

Customer: Well I'll be a "@#%/$@&?#!"

Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a

July 4, 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see

here on September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge." "Oh yes I see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State

Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"

Customer: "Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke".

Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us

from offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this.

Thank you for calling Pizza Hut!"

[chandramauli 0]

Hey guys,

Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out! This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.

1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would

like to have chocolate. (more than once but less than 10)

2. Multiply this number by 2 (Just to be bold)

3. Add 5. (cause you believe in 5 day working)

4. Multiply it by 50 I'll wait while you get the

calculator............

5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1754....

If you haven't, add 1753 ........

6. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

The first digit of this was your original number (I.e., how many

times you want to have chocolate each week).

The next two numbers are ......... YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)

[AmanJ 1]

lol :-)

amazing

[chandramauli 0]

Did you ever feel like there just weren't enough hours in the day? Have you ever stayed up late because you weren't tired enough to go to bed? Have you ever felt like you didn't get enough sleep and it was, too soon, time to get up? Have you ever wished for more free time to pursue different activities and goals?

If you can relate to these feelings, you will be interested in the 28 Hour Day. Under the 28 Hour Day system, the current week would remain at exactly 168 hours. (24x7=168) However, this 168 hour period would be divided into six 28-hour days rather than 7 24-hour days.

click here for details

p.s : a few links on the site wudnt work ..so please dont get annoyed if the links dont work just click other links..... its worth a see !!!

Edited September 29, 2004 by chandramauli

[chandramauli 0]

Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Kovac's Conundrum: When you dial a wrong number,you never get an engaged one.

Cannon's Karmic Law: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

O'brien's Variation Law: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

BELL'S THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water , the telephone rings.

RUBY'S PRINCIPLE OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS:The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

WILLOUGHBY'S LAW : When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

ZADRA'S LAW OF BIOMECHANICS : The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

BREDA'S RULE : At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

OWEN'S LAW : As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffeee is cold.

HOWDEN'S LAW : You remember you have to mail a letter only when you're near the mailbox.

[Basant 0]

I am told by a knowledgeable friend that Reliance Infocomm hold the records for;

a. Highest ever bad debt provision made by any telecom company in India

b. Largest number of bounced cheques drawn against any company in India.

Three cheers for Reliance...............!

Edited October 5, 2004 by Basant

[Chirag 5]

Some may want to take this SMS Quiz

[Vishal Gupta 4]

Digital Husband

Husband (A Computer Professor) returning late from work:

Husband: "Hi dear. I'm logged in"

Wife: Have you brought the grocery?

Husband: Bad command or file name

wife: But I told you in the morning ?

Husband: Erroneous syntax. Abort, retry, cancel?

Wife: What about my new TV ?

Husband: Variable not found

Wife: At least, give me your credit card. I need to do

some shopping

Husband: Sharing violation. Access denied

Wife: It was a great mistake that I married an idiot

like you

Husband: Data type mismatch

Wife: You are useless

Husband: By default

Wife: What about your salary ?

Husband: File in use. Try after some time

Wife: Who was in the car this morning ?

Husband: System is unstable. Press ALT + CTRL + DEL to

reboot

Wife: Are you going to have some snacks ?

Husband: File system full

Wife: What is the relation between you and your

receptionist ?

Husband: only user with WRITE permission

Wife: What is my value in this family ?

Husband: Unknown virus

Wife: Do you love me or your computer or you're being

just funny ?

Husband: Too many parameters !

Wife: I will go to my dad's house.

Husband: This program has performed an illegal

operation and will be terminated

Wife: I'll leave you forever

Husband: Close all programs and logout and then login

as another user

Wife: It's worthless talking to you

Husband: Shutdown the computer

Wife: I'm going

Husband: It's now safe to turn off your computer

[Utsav 0]

British military enlists first Satanist

Sun 24 October, 2004 13:37

LONDON (Reuters) - Britain's Armed Forces have enlisted their first Satanist after a naval technician serving on a frigate was granted permission to practice his beliefs while at sea, the Ministry of Defence says.

Defending the decision to allow a Satanist among the Royal Navy's ranks, a ministry spokesman said on Sunday it was an "equal opportunities employer" and did not discriminate against specific religious beliefs.

"He went to his commanding officer with a request to practice his beliefs on board his ship and it was granted ... We believe he is the first avowed Satanist to serve in the military, but there is no official register of beliefs," the spokesman said.

The Sunday Telegraph newspaper said Chris Cranmer, 24, from Edinburgh would be allowed to have a funeral carried out by the Church of Satan should he be killed in action.

The Church of Satan was founded in the 1960s, but Satanism can refer to a diverse set of practices that include viewing Satan as a force of nature.

Members of the church, which rejects Christian ideas of God and the Devil, follow 11 Satanic Rules of the Earth.

The belief system has been condemned as a cult by some religious groups and at least one opposition politician expressed dismay after Cranmer won permission to practice Satanism aboard a Royal Navy ship.

"I am utterly shocked by this," said Conservative parliamentarian Anne Widdecombe.

"Satanism is wrong. Obviously the private beliefs of individuals anywhere including the armed forces are their own affair but I hope it doesn't spread," she said.

[Vishal Gupta 4]

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't.

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retarded cat

This is person cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the third word in each line

[RSumit 0]

gEt rEAdy fOr sOMe EYe tWIstINg

[Vishal Gupta 4]

Why Computers Sometimes Crash!

by Dr. Seuss.

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the ****er's gonna hang.

When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and the macro code instructions is causing unnecessary risk, then you'll have to flash the memory and ! you'll w ant to RAM your ROM, and then quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!

[Vishal Gupta 4]

Ittefaq se hum mile,

Ittefaq se aap hume pasand aaye,

Ittefaq se hum dost bane,

Humari dosti ab ittefaq nahi,

Zindagi ki khoobsurat hakikat hai….

Yun durr rehkar duriyon ko badaya nahi karte,

Apne deewano ko sataya nahi karte,

Har waqt bas jise tumhara khyal ho,

Usey apni awaaz ke liye tadpaya nahi karte……

Jamane se nahi to tanhai se darta hu,

Pyar se nahi to ruswai se darta hu,

Milne ki umang bahot hoti hai dil me,

Lekin milne ke baad teri judai se darta hu……

Hum to dil deneko taiyar baithe hai,

Darde mohabbat karne ko taiyar baite hai,

Par hai re meri futi kismat,

Koi dil leneko hi taiyar nahi……

Bekabu hai dil fir bhi jiya ja raha hu,

Khali hao botal fir bhi piya ja raha hu,

Majburi to dekho is dil ki….

Reply nahi mil raha fir bhi msg kiya ja raha hu…

Wo ruthe is kadar ki manaya na gaya,

Durr itne ho gaye ki pass bulaya na gaya,

Dil to dil tha samundar ka sahil nahi,

Likh diya naam to fir mitaya na gaya….

Tumse doori ka ehsaas jab satane laga,

Tere saath guzra har lamha yaad aane laga,

Jabbhi tumhe bhulne ki koshish ki,

Ae dost tu dil ke aur paas aane laga…..

Ham tere dil mein rahenge ek yaad bankar,

Tere lab pa khilenge muskaan bankar,

Kabhi hamein apne se juda na samajhna,

Hum tere saath challenge aasmaan bankar…

Haqiqat samjho ya afsana,

Begana kaho ya deewana,

Suno is dil ka fasana,

Teri dosti hai mere jeene ka bahana…..

Kuch nasha to aapki baat ka hai…

Kuch nasha to dheemi barsaat ka hai…

Hame aap yuhi sharabi na kahiye,

Yeh dil par asar to aapse mulaqat ka hai…

Dosti ka pehala pegam aapke naam,

Zindagi ki akhari sham aapke naam.

Iss safar main humsafar hain hum dono,

Is dosti ko nibhana hain aapka kaam.

Is kadar hamari chahat ka imtihan na lijiye.

Kyu ho humse khafa, bayan to kijiye,

Kar dijiye maaf agar ho gaye humse khata,

Yu yaad na karke saza na dijiye.

Rishton ki ye duniye hai niraali,

Sab riston se pyaari hai dosti tumhaari.

Manzoor hai aansu bhi aakho mein hamaree,

Agar aa jaaye muskaan hot pe tumahari.

Khuda se thoda raham khareed lete,

Aap ke zakhmo ka marham khareed lete.

Agar kahi bikti khushiya meri,

To saari bech kar aap ka har ghum khareed lete.

Jam pe jam pine se kya fayda,

Sham ko pi subah utar jayegi.

Arey do boond dosti ke pi le,

Zindagi saari nashe mein guzar jayegi.

Fiza mein mehekti ek shaam ho tum,

Pyar mein chalakta jam ho tum.

Seene main chupaye phirte hai hum yaad tumahari,

Meri zindagi ka dusra naam ho tum.

Tum paas hot to tujhpe pyar aata hai,

Tum door ho to tera intezaar satata hai.

Kya kahe is dil ki haalat ki,

Tujhe yaad kar karke hume bukhaar ho jaata hai.

Vaade pe o aitbaar nahi karte,

Hum zikre mohabbat sare bazaar nahi karte.

Darta hai dil unki ruswai se,

Aur who sochte hai hum unse pyar nahi karte.

Har kadam par imtihaan leti hai zindagi,

Har waqt naya sadma deti hai zindagi.

Hum jindagi se kya shikwa kare,

Aap jaise dost bhi to deti hai zindagi.

Kaash who nagme hame sunaye na hote,

Aaj unko sun kar aansu aye na hote.

Agar isi tarah bhool hi jaana tha,

To itni gehrai se dil me samaye na hote.

Har khushi kam hai,

Tera gum bhulane ke liye,

Ek tera gum hi kaafi hai,

Mujhe umr bhar rulane ke liye

Dil Ki Basti Bikhar Gayi Hoti

Ke Rooh Ke Zakhm Bhar Gaye Hote

Yeh Zindagi To Aap Ki Amaanat Hai Warna

Hum To Kab Ke Mar Gaye Hote

Unke Bewafai Par Wafa Hum Karenge

Yaad Ko Unki Dil Se Juda Hum Karenge

Itna Chaha Phir Bhi Yakeen Nahin

Aise Zindagi Jee Kar Kya Karenge

Mere Jineke Liye Tera Armaan Hi Kafi Hai .

Dil Ke Kalam Se Likhi Ye Dastaan Hi Kafi Hai.

Tir-E-Talwaar Ki Tujhe Kya Zaroorat-E-Nazneen,

Qatl Karne Ke Liye Teri Muskaan hi Kafi Hai

Thank you!

Hope you will Njoy it... biggrin.gif

any comments?

[Utsav 0]

Santa, "I am suffering with loose motions.

Doctor, "Have yiu tried lemon

Santa, "Yes I have but when I remove it, they continue.

[Vishal Gupta 4]

Never fall in love with female programmers!

Never fall in love with female programmers

Now that I''ve lived to see this day,

These are the things I must but say.

Die a bachelor, if your options are few,

Never ever love a female programmer,

They''ll make a program out of you.

Don''t laugh it away, mine has been an object lesson,

They find syntax errors, even in a romantic ___expression.

Alas! They search logic in love, where there is none,

Your heart may skip a beat and they just hit return.

You are in for trouble if you persist,

You''ll just be a pointer in her long linked list.

They would never oblige you even with a smile,

And if a smile comes to their lips, they consign it to a file.

They have little regard for your amorous approaches,

Plight will be yours, infinite loops and blunderous gouaches.

You are bitten by different bugs, though love it may appear,

Just when you think you''re going steady, you''ll get a run-time error.

And if your beloved is a programmer in COBOL,

May God be with you for they are the worst of them all?

Sticklers for standards, you''ll have a rough time,

You''ll die of keeping tabs, in your youth prime.

Beauty and brain together, which was never meant to be,

They have them both and are for sure deadly.

And yet there are Heroes whose love has made history,

But why their fates didn''t hang is still a mystery.

So follow my advice if in me you have any trust,

Wait for the day when the beauty becomes an Analyst.

Edited November 11, 2004 by Vishal Gupta

[Vishal Gupta 4]

Here is Geeta Saar for programmers:

Edited December 15, 2004 by Vishal Gupta

[Vishal Gupta 4]

NEW KIND OF MATHEMATICS:

1.) SSC + HSC + BMS + MBA = UNEMPLYOMENT ..

2.) An Idea + An Idiot = A Dot com.

3.) Sushmita Sen - 1.2 feet = Salman Khan.

4.) 4 weeks in Switzerland + London + New Zealand + Canada = 4 minute song in Hindi movie.

5.) Rona dhona x Bewafai x Badle ki aag = Your mum's favourite serials.

6.) Amitabh Bachchan + Jaya Bachchan = Abhishek Bachchan -Talent.

7.) Any actor + Any actress + many movies = David Dhawan

8.) 1 smile + 32 teeth = Govinda

9.) 1 person - shirt = Salman Khan

10.) 1 person + straight hair + unstraight walk = Sanjay dutt

11.) 1 hand + 10 kg weight = Sunny Deol

12.) One engagement + Two weddings + Three wedding songs + Four hundred

Relatives + A house bigger than Buckingham Palace = One Sooraj Barjataya's

Film.

13.) One man + one woman = Isha Deol

14.) Time waste - time = Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi

15.) Boring songs + heavy dialogues + Bogus dressing = Devdas

16.) New heroes + New heroins = a flop movie

17.) Old heroes + new heroins = a blunder

18.) Old heroes + old heroins = time pass

19.) action - suspense + comedy - thrill - story= Indian superhit movie

[Vishal Gupta 4]

Check out this really funny version of windows:

Windows RG

Edited December 8, 2004 by Vishal Gupta

[Shabz 8]

Hey Vishal that was a good one

Try this go to google.com and search for "miserable failures" and the first site u get is

The autobiography of George W Bush Now thats what u call a real miserable failure

[Shabz 8]

another one go to www.google.com and search for "weapons of mass destruction" and click on the I am feeling luck button not the search button and then look at the error u get just read it full

[Ganesh 0]

very old one

[Chirag 5]

Jus a thot for the weekend!

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, 'Wow! What a ride!!!'"

-- Anonymous