Non SMS Stuff

[rajanmehta 4,056]

See What Computers Have Turned Us Into !!!

[rajanmehta 4,056]

Each Friday night after work, Sardar ji would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbors were strict Catholics ... And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.

The aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.

The Priest came to visit Sardar ji and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Sardar ji attended Mass... And as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, You were born a Sikh, and raised as a Sikh, but from now, you are a Catholic."

Sardar ji's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.

The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Sardar ji's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.There stood Sardar ji, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you were born a chicken, and you were born a lamb, you were raised as a chicken and you were raised as a lamb but now onwards you are a potato and you are a tomato..

[rajanmehta 4,056]

Exercise Techniques

Physical exercise is good for you. We know that we should do it daily, but our bodies don't want us to do too much, so here's a program of strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise.

01> Beating around the bush

02> Jumping to conclusions

03> Climbing the walls

04> Swallowing your pride

05> Passing the buck

06> Throwing your weight around

07> Dragging your heels

08> Pushing your luck

09> Making mountains out of molehills

10> Hitting the nail on the head

11> Wading through paperwork

12> Bending over backwards

13> Jumping on the bandwagon

14> Balancing the books

15> Running around in circles

16> Eating crow

17> Tooting your own horn

18> Climbing the ladder of success

19> Pulling out all the stops

20> Adding fuel to the fire

21> Opening a can of worms

22> Putting your foot in your mouth

23> Starting the ball rolling

24> Going over the edge

25> Picking up the pieces

Whew! That's a workout! Now sit down and

26> Exercise caution.

[rajanmehta 4,056]

The Charlie Schulz Philosophy

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the 'Peanuts' comic strip.

You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just ponder on them.

Just read it straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five World Cup trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss World contest.

4 Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.

6.. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.

These are no second-rate achievers.

They are the best in their fields.

But the applause dies..

Awards tarnish.

Achievements are forgotten.

Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special!!

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?

The lesson:

The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials..

the most money...or the most awards.

They simply are the ones who care the most

[rajanmehta 4,056]

Got this some time back.... I do not know if the statistics are correct, but the fact is that very many of our youngsters are so getting engrossed in this "globalised world" that they are succumbing to pressures at a very young age. While India may have a young population in the next few years..... what good would it be if it is a sick young population?

So read this article and ask every one to slow down and enjoy the present..... so that they can enjoy the future too!!

SLOW DOWN", A MUST READ

It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for them has proven to be an interesting experience. Any project here takes 2 years to be finalized, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a rule.

Globalized processes have caused in us (all over the world) a general sense of searching for immediate results.. Therefore, we have come to posses a need to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow movements of the Swedish.

They, on the other hand, debate, debate, debate, hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end, this always yields better results.

1. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants. .

2. Stockholm has 500,000 people.

3. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux, are some of its renowned companies. Volvo even supplies NASA.

The first time I was in Sweden , one of my colleagues picked me up at the hotel every morning. It was September, bit cold and snowy. We would arrive early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000 employees arrive in their car to work).

The first day, I didn't say anything, neither the second or third days. One morning I asked him, "Do you have a fixed parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there are no other cars in the lot."

To which he replied, "Since we're here early we'll have time to walk, don't you think that whoever gets in late will need a place closer to the door?" Imagine my face.

Nowadays, there's a movement in Europe named Slow Food. This movement establishes that people should eat and drink slowly, with enough time to taste their food, spend time with the family, friends, without rushing. Slow Food is against its counterpart, Fast Food and what it stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement called Slow Europe, as mentioned by Business Week.

Basically, the movement questions the sense of "hurry" and "craziness" generated by globalization, fuelled by the desire of "having in quantity" (life status) versus "having with quality", "life quality" or the "quality of being".

French people, even though they work 35 hours per week, are more productive than Americans or British. Germans have established 28.8 hour workweeks and have seen their productivity driven up by 20%..

This slow attitude has come to the notice of USA , the pupils of the fast and "do it now" brigade.

This no-rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality, productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress.

It means re-establishing family values, friends, free and leisure time.. Taking the "now", present and concrete, versus the "global", undefined and anonymous. It means taking humans' essential values, the simplicity of living. It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy, lighter and more productive work place where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do.

It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious quality with no-rush that will increase productivity and the quality of products and services, without losing the essence.

In the movie, 'Scent of a Woman', there's a scene where Al Pacino asks a girl to dance and she replies, "I can't, my boyfriend will be here any minute now". To which Al Pacino responds, "A life is lived in an instant". Then they dance the tango!

Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others are so anxious to live for the future that they forget to live the present, which is the only time that truly exists.

We all have equal time throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one of us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans".

I must Congratulate you for reading this post till the end of this message.

There are many who will have stopped in the middle so as not to waste time in this "Globalized" world..

[rajanmehta 4,056]

What a great idea !!

Why didn't anyone think of this???

The ISREALIS are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners at the airports.

They have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.

They see this as a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this junk about racial profiling. This method would also eliminates the costs of a long and expensive trial.

Justice would be quick and swift. Case Closed !

This is so simple...that it's brilliant.

I can see it now.....

You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion.

Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system,

"Attention standby passengers - we now have a seat available on flight number _____".

[rajanmehta 4,056]

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a Pathan got on. Six feet four, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the conductor and said, "Pathan doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

Conductor didn't argue with Pathan, but he wasn't happy about it. The next day the same thing happened ? Pathan got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the next..

This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Pathan was taking advantage of poor conductor. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.

By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So, on the next Monday, when Pathan once again got on the bus and said, "Pathan doesn't pay!"

The driver stood up, glared back at Pathan, and screamed, "And why not?"

With a surprised look on his face, Pathan replied, "PATHAN HAS A DAILY PASS."

Moral: Be sure... there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one !

[rajanmehta 4,056]

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that

in Spanish, unlike English,

Nouns are designated as either Masculine or Feminine.

'House' for instance, is Feminine: 'la casa.'

'Pencil,' however, is Masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What Gender is 'Computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the Teacher split the Class into two Groups, Male and Female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether Computer' should be

a Masculine or a Feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give Four Reasons for

its recommendation.

The Men's group decided that 'Computer' should definitely be of the Feminine Gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands

their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate

with other computers is incomprehensible

to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored

in long term memory for possible laterretrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one,

you find yourself spending half your paycheck

on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The Women's group, however, concluded that

Computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them,

you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still

can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems,

but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one,

you realize that if you had waited a little longer,

you could have gotten a better model.

The Women won.

[rajanmehta 4,056]

Written by a 90 year old.

This is something we should all read!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio.

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16.. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one

else

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time to time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

[KumaarShah 143]

Terrific ones, rajan mehta!!!!

Had a good

Keep them coming.....

[rajanmehta 4,056]

Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall.

They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching speech.

She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, and for men in general, without ever getting anything in return.

As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.

===================================================================

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene the lawyer was hopping up and down the rage, complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

Officer, look what they've done to my new BMW!!'' he shrieked.

You lawyer are so materialistic, you make me sick,'' retorted the officer ''You're so worried about stupid BMW that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!''

Oh my Gaaad....'' replied the lawyer, looking down and noticing for the first time the bloody stump where his left arm had once been. ''We've got to find it. It has my Rolex on it!''

===================================================================

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.

He shoots his friend and kills him.

Wife says :

"If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".

============================================================================

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant,... Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.

Panic is when both are pregnant.

============================================================================

In case of an emergency, speak only in English !!

Never say prayers in any other language!

U never know what kind of translation problem u can run into

An Indian in the US suffered a heart attack on the road and was picked up by an ambulance. Being religious, he kept repeating -Hari Om, Hari Om, Hari Om.

When the Ambulance pulled into his home, his wife came out and screamed to the Paramedics:

'Why didn't you take him straight to the Hospital?'

They replied "Because he kept saying,

'Hurry home Hurry home Hurry home!'

===================================================================

4 sardaro ne mil ke petrol pump khola. 1 bhi customer nahi aaya ..

Kyun..?

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petrol pump was on 1st floor..

Chal ek aur

Fir charo ne usi floor pe restuarent khola.

1 bhi customer nahi..

Kyu..?

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petrol pump ka board nahi hataya.. Chal ek aur

Fir charo ne 1 taxi li.

1 bhi sawari nahi.

Kyu..?

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2 sardar aage and 2 piche baith ke sawari dhund rahe the..

Chal ek aur

Taxi

kharab ho gayi.

Charo ne khub dhakka lagaya.

but taxi wahi ki wahi.

Kyu..?

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2 aage se and 2 piche se dhakka de rahe the..

Chal ek aur

Fir charo ne 1 bachhe ko

kidnap kiya.

Bachhe ko kaha ghar ja apne baap se 5 lac rs le ke aa.

warna tujhe maar denge.

Bachha ghar gaya aur uske papa ne paise de bhi diye.

Kyu..?

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bachhe ka baap bhi sardar tha..

====================================================================================================

All of you who have seen the movie 'Wednesday'... will love these rephrased Naseerudin Shah Dialogue's...

Project Manager Rathore : kaun ho tum..??? kya pehcan hai tumhari ?

Unkonwn Caller : Kaun hoon mein...mein vo hu jo aaj committment karne se darta hai, Mein vo hoon jo aaj ghar jaane se darta ha, ye soch ke kahin ghar wale pehchanne se inkar na kar de...

mein vo hoon jo, aaj job change karta hai to sochta hai ki kahin recession mein mujhe company se na nikal de..

mein vo hoon jiski biwi usse friday ko dus bar phone karti hai, "kya kar rahe ho..?? kaam jyada hai..?? thak gaye ho..?? " mera haal poochne ke liye ya kaam poochne ke liye nahi, rathore saab... balki vo ye jaanaa chahti hai ki... kahin hamesha ki tarah end moment pe boss ke bulane pe mein saturdary ko bhi office to nahi ja raha...

mein vo hoon jo breakfast ke time pe dinner karta hai, lunch time pe breakfast karta hai, dinner ke time pe lunch karta hai.. vo bhi time mil jae to...

mein vo hoon jo aksar phasta hain kabhi Interviews ke sawaal mey phasta hai , kabhi Badi companiyon ke jaal mey phasta hai, kabhi boss aur client ke bawaal mey fasta hai.

Walk-In ki bheed to dekhi hogi aapne rathore saab... us bheed mein se koi bhi chehra chun lijie.. mein vo hoon..

I'm the…..STUPID SOFTWARE ENGINEER....

==============================================================================================

[rajanmehta 4,056]

LEGAL AND LOGICAL EXPLAINED.

After having failed his exam in 'Logistics and Organization' , at the University of XXXXXX, North American one, an Indian student goes and confronts his Professor about it.

Indian Student: 'Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject in which you have not given me even a pass mark?'

Canadian Professor: 'Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!'

Student: 'Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.

If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an 'A' for the exam. '

Professor: 'Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?'

Student: 'What is legal, but not logical; logical, but not legal and neither logical, nor legal?'

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an 'A', as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on another Indian students whom the Professors considers as his best student and asks him the question asked by the student who had just met him.

The deemed best Indian student immediately answers: 'Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old Indian woman, which is legal, but not logical.

Your Indian wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal.

The fact that you have given your wife's lover an 'A' grade after he seemingly won an arguement, although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical.'

[rajanmehta 4,056]

The Four Cats Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.

The first man was an Engineer, The second man was an Accountant, The third man was a Chemist, and The fourth man was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called his cat,

'T-square, do your stuff.'

T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Spreadsheet, do your stuff.'

Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.

Everyone agreed that was good. But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, 'Measure, do your stuff.'

Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces into the glass without spilling a drop.

Everyone agreed that was pretty good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, 'What can your cat do?' The Government Employee called his cat and said, 'CoffeeBreak, do your stuff.'

CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet.......

Ate the cookies........

Drank the milk.......

S**t on the paper.......

Sc**wed the other three cats.......

Claimed he injured his back while doing so........

Filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions.......

Put in for Workers Compensation................

and Went home for the rest of the day on sick leave............

AND THAT, MY FRIEND IS WHY EVERYONE WANTS TO WORK FOR THE GOVERNMENT!!

[KumaarShah 143]

[Greatest 55]

Good ones Rajan...

[rajanmehta 4,056]

Guys if you like my stuff, please press +.

[Honest 836]

Wah Wah Rajan Bhai.....great stuff......!

+1 to you.

[drali 6]

@ rajan

[rajanmehta 4,056]

Rajnikant the Superstar is favourite of all!

Here are few things that describe Rajnikant!! Enjoy!!

Rajanikanth makes onions cry.

Rajanikanth can delete the Recycling Bin.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Rajanikanth' PC will crash.

Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than Death can process them.

Rajanikanth can build a snowman….. out of rain.

Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Rajanikanth can drown a fish.

Rajanikanth can play the violin…… …with a piano.

When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on,……… …. he turns the dark off.

Rajanikanth once had a heart attack…… ……… his heart lost.

When Rajanikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajanikanth and Rajanikanth.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Rajanikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.

The last digit of pi is Rajanikanth. He is the end of all things.

Rajanikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Bullets dodge Rajanikanth.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Rajanikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Rajanikanth' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Rajanikanth.

If you spell Rajanikanth wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Rajanikanth?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance.

" Rajanikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

When Rajanikanth gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Rajanikanth can kill two stones with one bird.

Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was cold, so he turned the sun up.

Rajanikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass.

At night. Rajanikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life… unless it gets in his way.

It takes Rajanikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Rajanikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Rajanikanth.

Rajanikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajanikanth only recognizes the element of surprise.

Rajanikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajanikanth is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.

The square root of Rajanikanth is pain.

Do not try to square Rajanikanth, the result is death.

When you say "no one's perfect", Rajanikanth takes this as a personal insult.

Rajanikant's team needs 10 runs to win the cricket match and Rajini faces the last ball of the match. He hits the ball so hard that it splits into two, one goes for a six and the other for a four, the decision is referred to third Umpire and he awards 10runs to Rajini. Their team wins the match. Anything is possible in Rajnis films.

Rajnikant has counted to infinity - twice!

When Rajnikant does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up. He's pushing the earth down.

Rajnikant is so fast. He can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Rajnikant doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.

Rajnikant gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Rajnikant can slam a revolving door.

If you Google search 'Rajnikant getting kicked', you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda square, until Rajnikant kicked one of the corners off.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq; Rajnikant lives in Chennai.

Rajnikant once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

The only things that run faster and longer than Rajnikant are his films.

Rajnikant's every step creates a mini whirlwind. Hurricane Katrina was the result of morning jog.

Where there is a will there is a way. Where there is Rajnikant there's no other way.

[rajanmehta 4,056]

THE SHOE BOX

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little Old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had Cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but One day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said She would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took Down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that it was time that he should know what was In the box. When he opened it, he found two knitted dolls And a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents.

'When we were to be married,' she said, ' my grandmother told me The secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that If I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and knit a doll.'

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two Precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two Times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with Happiness.

'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'

'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

[rajanmehta 4,056]

A Man and his Wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the Wife passed away. The Undertaker told the Husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can Bury her Here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The Man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped Home.

The Undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your Wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The Man replied, "Long ago a man called Jesus Christ died here, was buried here, and three days later He rose from the dead. I just can't take that Chance.

[rajanmehta 4,056]

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.

You retire on the income.

INDIAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You worship them.

PAKISTAN ECONOMICS

You don't have any cows.

You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.

You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid, Britain for warplanes, Italy for machines, Germany for technology, France for submarines, Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs and Japan for equipment.

You buy the cows with all this and claim of exploitation by the world.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.

You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind.

You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

FRENCH ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

They are both mad.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICS

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.

You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create cute cartoon cow images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.

You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.

CHINESE ECONOMICS

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim full employment, high bovine productivity and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

SRI LANKAN ECONOMICS

You have a cow and a bull,

You let the cow be president and the bull be prime minister and let them blame each other for the state the country is in.

[rajanmehta 4,056]

Business Proposal:

Little Johnny has grown up!! Johnny wanted to enjoy a girl in his office.......but she had a boyfriend...

One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you $1000 dollars if you let me enjoy you"

But the girl said "NO WAY!"

Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, I'll be finished by the time you pick it up!"

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So, she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says "Ask him for $2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down!"

So she agrees and accepts the proposal.

Half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks "What happened? What's keeping you."

She said "The basta** used coins!!"

Management lesson:

Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it. By doing so, you will make sure you don't get screwed!

[rajanmehta 4,056]

God was in the process of creating the universe

And he was explaining to his subordinates "Look everything should be in balance. For example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion.

Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States.

I have blessed them with prosperity and money.

But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension.....

And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature.

But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.

And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests.

But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests...

So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.

One of the angels asked...

"God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?"

God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown piece of all. "INDIA",

My most precious creation.

It has understanding and friendly People.

Sparkling streams and serene mountains.

A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.

Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold.....

The angel was quite surprised:

"But god you said everything should be in balance."

God replied -- "Look at the neighbours I gave them"

[KumaarShah 143]

great ones, rajan.....

given +1 to many