KumaarShah 143 Report post Posted October 14, 2011 REBIRTH Angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said: 'I have to talk to you. We have some Indians up here in heaven and they are causing problems. ‘They’re swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Dolce and Gabana saris instead of their white robes; they are riding Mercedes and BMWs instead of the chariots, and they’re selling their halos to people for discounted prices. ‘They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear or clean, since they keep crouching down midway eating samosas and drinking tea. Some of them are even walking around with just one wing! ‘They do not believe in any form of discipline, and push their way through the line.' The Lord said, ‘Indians are Indians! Heaven is home to all my children! If you want to know about real problems, give Satan a call.’ Gabriel rang up Satan. Satan answered the phone, ‘Hello? Damn! Hold on a minute.’ Satan returned to the phone, ‘Ok, I’m back. What can I do for you?’ Gabriel replied, ‘I just wanted to know what kind of problems you’re having down there.’ Satan says, ‘Hold on again. I need to check on something.’ After about 5 minutes Satan returns to the phone and said, ‘I'm back. Now what was the question?’ Gabriel said, ‘What kind of problems are you having down there?’ Satan says, ‘Man I don’t believe this .. Hold on.’ This time Satan was gone at least 15 minutes. He returned and said, ‘I’m sorry Gabriel, I can’t talk right now. These Indians are trying to install air conditioning, and making hell a comfortable place to live in by putting out the fire, which is there to keep them uncomfortably hot! Since they are so tech savvy, they were trying to start a telephone and IT connection between heaven and hell; between ME and GOD! They have started a social network service for the troubled, and believe in Karma, and are good in convincing others. Some were trying to start a Chai - pakora, Chole-batura, channa, Dosa and samosa, barfi, Chakli and Dokla shop, which I had to stop. ‘As a penalty, I stopped feeding them for three days. Man, they celebrated this with great fervor! Now, they are demanding this every year, and have termed it as Upvas. One guy even made a big show of this in my punishment hall, claiming he is purifying his soul. Boy, I had a hell of a trouble handling the enormous crowd that came to witness this. Even I didn’t know that hell’s population is so huge. ‘Many have no trouble living in dirt, as they are so used to it down on earth. We have shortage of toilets to make them uncomfortable; but they have no problems in doing everything outside in open. ‘They are excellent in corrupting everyone, and my staff are being continuously bribed by them for something or the other. I have difficulty in controlling the graft and corruption in Hell. They have now started a massive campaign that my government is corrupt! ‘For the Indians, this place seems to be better from where they came. I am having such a hard time controlling and dealing with these people! ‘I am therefore requesting you, ‘Oh Lord, please send them back to earth as soon as they arrive here.’ And this is the secret behind REBIRTH. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rajanmehta 4,056 Report post Posted October 15, 2011 ^ ^ ^ If current crop of indian politicians will be there in hell (where else they can be..), you'll soon come to know that they have formed a coalition government consisting of Congress, BJP, Devs and Danavs. Indians are "jugaad" champions. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
csmart 472 Report post Posted October 31, 2011 these deails i got in an email. i cannot vouch for its accuracy, though few points are valid. INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT LIBYA Did you know this about Libya ? Some other facts (that mainstream media will never disclose) about "Gaddafi and Libya : Loans to Libyan citizens are given with NO interest. Students would get paid the average salary for the profession they are studying for. If you are unable to get employment the state would pay the full salary as if you were employed until you find employment. When you get married the couple gets an apartment or house for free from the Government. You could go to college anywhere in the world. The state pays 2,500 euros plus accommodation and car allowance. The cars are sold at factory cost. Libya does not owe money, (not a cent) to anyone. No creditors. Free education and health care for all citizens. 25% of the population with a university degree. No beggers on the streets and nobody is homeless (until the recent bombing). Bread costs only $0.15 per loaf. No wonder the US and other capitalist countries do not like Libya . Gaddafi would not consent to taking loans from IMF or World Bank at high interest rates. In other words Libya was INDEPENDENT! That is the real reason for the war in Libya ! He may be a dictator, but that is not the US problem. Also Gaddafi called on all Oil producing countries NOT to accept payment for oil in USD or Euros. He recommended that oil get paid for in GOLD and that would have bankrupted just about every Western Country as most of them do not have gold reserves to match the rate at which they print their useless currencies. Remember the last time someone had the "NERVE" to make a similar statement was when Saddam Hoosein advised all Opec countries not to accept payment for oil in US Dollars. Well, we all know what happened to him Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Genius 817 Report post Posted November 9, 2011 Taptalk on ™iPad 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hiteshkkk1 327 Report post Posted November 17, 2011 Just checked ET website today... See top left corner... Name of our president... Pratibha PATEL.. P.S. Mrs. Pratibha Patil is from our town i.e. Jalgaon... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KumaarShah 143 Report post Posted January 3, 2012 Bonds...Bonds...Bonds... Heidi is the proprietor of a bar in Detroit. She realizes that virtually all of her customers are unemployed alcoholics and, as such, can no longer afford to patronize her bar. To solve this problem, she comes up with a new marketing plan that allows her customers to drink now, but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed in a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans). Word gets around about Heidi's "drink now, pay later" marketing strategy and, as a result, increasing numbers of customers flood into Heidi's bar. Soon she has the largest sales volume for any bar in Detroit. By providing her customers freedom from immediate payment demands, Heidi gets no resistance when, at regular intervals, she substantially increases her prices for wine and beer, the most consumed beverages. Consequently, Heidi's gross sales volume increases massively. A young and dynamic Vice President at the local bank recognizes that these customer debts constitute valuable future assets, and increases Heidi's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for any undue concern, since he has the debts of the unemployed alcoholics as collateral. At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert traders transform these customer loans into DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then bundled and traded on international security markets. Naive investors don't really understand that the securities being sold to them as AAA secured bonds are really the debts of unemployed alcoholics. Nevertheless, the bond prices continuously climb, and the securities soon become the hottest-selling items for some of the nation's leading brokerage houses. One day, even though the bond prices are still climbing, a risk manager at the original local bank decides that the time has come to demand payment on the debts incurred by the drinkers at Heidi's bar. He so informs Heidi. Heidi then demands payment from her alcoholic patrons. But being unemployed alcoholics, they cannot pay back their drinking debts. Since Heidi cannot fulfill her loan obligations, she is forced into bankruptcy. The bar closes and her eleven employees lose their jobs. Overnight, DRINKBONDS, ALKIBONDS and PUKEBONDS drop in price by 90%. The collapsed bond asset value destroys the bank's liquidity and prevents it from issuing new loans, thus freezing credit and economic activity in the community. Suppliers of Heidi's bar had granted her generous payment extensions and had invested their firms' pension funds in the various BOND securities. They find they are now faced with not only having to write off her bad debt but also with losing over 90% of the presumed value of the bonds. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, closing the doors on a family business that had endured for three generations. Her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor, who immediately closes the local plant and lays off 150 workers. Fortunately though, the bank, the brokerage houses, and their respective executives are saved and bailed out by a multi-billion dollar, no-strings attached cash infusion from their cronies in the Federal Government. The funds required for this bailout are obtained by new taxes levied on employed, middle-class, non-drinkers who have never been in Heidi's bar. Now you know. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KumaarShah 143 Report post Posted January 3, 2012 (edited) IF U CROSS THE BORDER ILLEGALLY............. If you cross the " The North Korean " border illegally, you get .... 12 years hard labour in an isolated prison ..... If you cross the " Iranian " border illegally, you get ..... Detained indefinitely ..... If you cross the " Afghan " border illegally, you get ..... Shot ..... If you cross the " Saudi Arabian " border illegally, you get ..... Jailed ..... If you cross the " Chinese " border illegally, you get ..... Kidnapped and may be never heard of - again ..... If you cross the " Venezuelan " border illegally, you get ..... Branded as a spy and your fate sealed ..... If you cross the " Cuban " border illegally, you get ..... Thrown into a political prison to rot ..... If you cross the " British " border illegally, you get ..... Arrested, prosecuted, sent to prison and be deported after serving your sentence ..... Now ..... If anybody cross our " Indian " border illegally, they can get .... 1. A ration card 2. A passport ( even more than one ) 3. A driver's licence 4. A voter identity card 5. Credit cards 6. A Haj subsidy 7. Job reservation 8. Special privileges for minorities 9. Government housing on subsidized rent 10. Loan to buy a house 11. Free education 12. Free health care 13. A lobbyist in New Delhi , with a bunch of media morons and a bigger bunch of human rights activists promoting your " cause " 14. The right to talk about secularism, which I have not heard about in your own country! 15. And of-course ..... Voting rights to elect corrupt politicians who will promote your community for their selfish interest in securing your votes !!! Hats off ..... To the ..... A. Corrupt and communal Indian politicians B. The inefficient and corrupt Indian police force C. The silly pseudo-secularists in India , who promote traitors staying here D. The amazingly lenient Indian courts and legal system E. The selfish Indian citizens, who are not bothered about the dangers to their own country F. The illogically brainless human-rights activists, who think that terrorists deserve to be dealt with by archaic laws meant for an era, when human beings were human beings. True Indian citizen Edited January 3, 2012 by KumaarShah 5 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aalok 442 Report post Posted January 3, 2012 ^ so true.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
csmart 472 Report post Posted January 3, 2012 ​2011 National Awards: National Salesman - SRK National Runner - D K Bose National Struggler - Abhishek Bacchan National Singer - Dolly Bindra National Girlfriend - Deepika Padukone National Men - Archana Puran Singh National baby - Parthiv Patel National Waiting Moment - Sachin Tendulkar's century National Clown - Laloo Yadav National Guests - Kasab, Afzal Guru National mathematician - Kapil Sibal National Bank - SWISS Bank National Abuse - Aam Aadmi (Common Man) National Palace - Tihar Jail National Joke - Government Lokpal National Robot - Manmohan Singh Vande Mataram... =)) Sent from my SPH-D700 using Tapatalk Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RiteshDharod 5 Report post Posted January 3, 2012 LOL Sent from my GT-N7000 using Tapatalk Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Honest 836 Report post Posted January 3, 2012 Ek dum sach hai Kumar Bhai. +1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
csmart 472 Report post Posted January 4, 2012 Talwarbaazi ke khel mein, Chinese ne Santra uchala, aur talwar se hawa me kaat diya. Japanese ne Angoor uchala, aur hawa mein 2 tukde kar diya Rajnikanth ne ek Machar udaya aur talwar ghumaya, lekin machhar udd gaya.. Judge: "Yeh kya, machhar toh udd gaya." Rajnikanth: "Udd toh gaya, lekin kabhi baapnahi ban sakega." Position of a husband is like split A.C. No matter how loud it is outside, But inside the room it is designed to remain silent! Arrange Marriage MeansWe R Walking N Unfortunately Snake Bites. N Love Marriage MeansWe Go 2 Da Snake N Say.. KAAT LE, KAAT LE !! The Husband is the Head of the Family, But Wife is the Neck of the Family, Which can turn the head any where she wants. What Do You Call A Wife: Who Is Sexy, Beautiful, Intelligent, Understanding, Caring, Never Jealous And A Great Cook? ANSWER : A Rumour! 7 Glances=1 Smile 7 smiles=1 meeting 7meetings=1 kiss 7 kisses=1 proposal 7 Proposals=1 marriage N that bloody marriage has777777prblms True relatives always Stand behind you during bad times. Check your marriage Album. All your relatives were standing behind you. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Honest 836 Report post Posted January 4, 2012 ^^^ Chirag Bhai, lagta hai bahut chot khayee hai. Lolz +1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
csmart 472 Report post Posted January 4, 2012 ^^^ Kamalji, sab shadi shuda mard ek hi kashti mein savaar hai... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aalok 442 Report post Posted January 4, 2012 ^ lolzzz.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Honest 836 Report post Posted January 4, 2012 ^^^ Aao bhai Aalok....abhi kashti mein bahut jagah baaki hai. Lol. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
aalok 442 Report post Posted January 4, 2012 ^ daddu, kishti choti padegi.. TITANIC chahiye... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rajanmehta 4,056 Report post Posted January 4, 2012 Abe Wife Se Thakele Logo, Watch This.. "Things You Cannot Say To Your Girlfriend" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Genius 817 Report post Posted January 4, 2012 Maja aa raha hai logon Meri to shadi abhi baki hai, daddu koi rumor mile to yad karna, Rajan kaka bahut uchal rahe HO har thread pe .... Aalok aap to sidhe sadhe HO in logon se Bach ke raho, meri Mano to yeh shadi se khatarnak hain, ...... Ek scientist shadi Kia hai pe research kar raha tha, iske liye usne shadi kar lei, abb woh 8 sal se science khoj raha hai. ...... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
csmart 472 Report post Posted January 4, 2012 One more for beloved husbands.. ;-) Man: "My wife is going to commit suicide from a window of your hotel.... please come fast!". Manager: "Sorry sir, its your personal matter." Man: "Hurry Manager , the window is NOT opening!"=)) Sent from my SPH-D700 using Tapatalk Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mgdelhi 192 Report post Posted January 4, 2012 (edited) Police wale ne carwale ko roka- "yeh suraksha week hai. Aap belt pehn kar car chala rahe hain, isliye aapko Rs 5,000 ka inaam dia jata hai. aap is inaam ka kya karoge ?" car driver- "mein iss inaam se apna driving license banwaunga" Pichli seat par baithi uski maa boli- "iski bat ka yakin mat karo. ye sharab pi kr kuch b bolta hai." uske papa bole- "muje pata tha ki chori ki car me hm zyada dur nhi ja payenge." Tabhi dikki se awaz ayi- "bhai humne border par kar lia kya ? ------------------------------------------------------------------ A man kills a DEER, cooks it & doesn't tell kids what it is. On the dining he gives a clue "its something what your mom calls me(Dear)" Son screams : "koi mat khana, KUTTA hai."!! Edited January 4, 2012 by mgdelhi 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Honest 836 Report post Posted January 4, 2012 ^^^ Good Suraksha Week Mukesh Bhai. +1 Abe Wife Se Thakele Logo Rajan Kaka abhi aapki NAIYAA sukoon se nadee mein tair rahi hai.....Kabhi hamari tarah samudra mein gotaa lagao toh aap bhi hamaari samudri naiyaa yaani Titanic mein sawaar ho jaogey. Lol. Meri to shadi abhi baki hai Hmmm....chacha ji.....kya baat ker rahe hain ke apki shadi abhi baaki hai ? Aapke liye woh sabjiwaali ka rishta jo ayaa tha, jab aapne woh sadey huve papitey aur phalli ki dukaan lagaayee thi (kuch yaad aaya ? )......uska kya hua ? Lagta hai uss sabjiwali ne baar baar GOBHI khilaayee hogi aapko aur aap uski TAAREEF nahi karte hogey.....tabhi baat aagey nahi badhee. Ab toh aapko woh Khotafone wale Pandit Ji he bachaa sakte hain kyunki maine suna hai ke jo ek baar Khotafone wale pandit ji say baat ker le uski shaadi ke liye fir line lag jaati hai.......Rishton Ki. Aur fir FULLSTOP seedhey THIGH LAND jaaker lagta hai. Rajan kaka bahut uchal rahe HO har thread pe .... Kya chacha ji.....pahle khud he boltey ho UCHALNE ko aur baad mein kehte ho ke uchal rahe ho. Aapne he toh Rajan Kaka ko advice di thi ke agar apna wajan ghataana hai toh Uchalna chalu ker doh. Aalok aap to sidhe sadhe HO in logon se Bach ke raho, meri Mano to yeh shadi se khatarnak hain, Aalok ji aap inki baaton mein mat aana....ye jab se Thigh Land se wapas aaye hain tab se behki behki baatein ker rahe hain.....lagta hai kisi sabjiwali ne in per dorey daal diye hain. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
akshmail 6 Report post Posted January 5, 2012 Maja aa gaya expert comments padkar. I love this forum. +1 to Kamal ji. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Genius 817 Report post Posted January 5, 2012 ^^^ Kamal Daddu Bum photu votu chipka rahe ho miya............ aur woh sabji wali ka to naam mat lena who to CID kaka me mar miti ---- kia hua woh jis wholeseller se sabji leti thi kaka ne Online ja kare ke search karke usse bhi achhi Irristable fanta-tastic deal nikal di .... abb woh online sabhi bulati hai aur direct home delivery deti hai SNS (sabji network service) kabhi naam suna hai. phir ek baar Aalu chilne ka chakku kho gaya to CID kaka ne google se search kar dala - bus phir kia tha woh unse pyar karne lagi aur abb mumbai thane me rahati hai. par aap ko purani baat bahut yaad hai - main to bhul he gaya tha, aur yeh sabhi bhi thane me bani hai wahin ki photo hai geo-tag se pata chala. yeh Khotafone wala baat sach hai 2-4 log ko iske piche chipka do Waise talwar wale baba ki koi khabar nahi aa rahi aaj kal - jab se sunny leone India me aai hai - 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KumaarShah 143 Report post Posted January 5, 2012 Kamalbhai and Dr. Vinaybhai, that was really hilarious.... +1 to both of you... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
