Non SMS Stuff

[raccoon 53]

And whadda ride RIM is giving us...!

[Vishal Gupta 4]

Never love a Testing girl since she always doubts U.

Never love a DATABASE girl since she always wants her husband to be a UNIQUE key.

Never love a C girl because she always have a tendency to BREAK the things and EXIT from house.

Never love a C++ girl as u may encounter some problems in INHERITANCE.

Never love a JAVA girl since she always throws EXCEPTIONS.

Never Love a VB girl since she has divorce FORM with her always.

Never love a UNIX girl ,she always dump u with a core.

Never love a PASCAL girl ,she always scolds u as rascal.

Never love a COBOL girl since she may be very good in DIVISION of families.

Never love a NETWORK girl since she may be very good in shooting troubles.

Better marry a girl not belonging to SOFTWARE FAMILY!!!

Edited March 24, 2005 by Vishal Gupta

[Rohit Rocker 0]

Then which girl should we marry?

[Vishal Gupta 4]

SIMPLE!!!

A Hardware girl!

[Vishal Gupta 4]

The Most Important Body Part, Think About It

My mother used to ask me:

"What is the most important part of the body?"

Through the years I would take a guess at what I thought was the

correct answer.

When I was younger, I thought sound was very important to us as

humans, so I said, "My ears, Mommy."

She said, "No Many people are deaf.

But you keep thinking about it and I will ask you again soon."

Several years passed before she asked me again. Since making my

first attempt, I had contemplated the correct answer. So this

time I told her, "Mommy, sight is very important to everybody,

so it must be our eyes. She looked at me and told me, "You are

learning fast, but the answer is not correct because there are

many people who are blind."

Stumped again, I continued my quest for knowledge. Over the

years, Mother asked me a couple more times and always her answer

was, "No, but you are getting smarter every year, my child."

Then last year, my grandpa died.

Everybody was hurt.

Everybody was crying.

Even my father cried.

I remember that especially because it was only the second time I

saw him cry. My Mom looked at me when it was our turn to say

our final good-bye to Grandpa.

She asked me,

"Do you know the most important body part yet, my dear?"

I was shocked when she asked me this now.

I always thought this was a game between her and me.

She saw the confusion on my face and told me,

"This question is very important.

It shows that you have really lived in your life.

For every body part you gave me in the past, I have told you was

wrong and I have given you an example why.

But today is the day you need to learn this important lesson."

She looked down at me as only a mother can.

I saw her eyes well up with tears. She said,

"My dear, the most important body part is your shoulder."

I asked, "Is it because it holds up my head?"

She replied, "No, it is because it can hold the head of a friend

or a loved one when they cry.

Everybody needs a shoulder to cry on sometime in life, my dear.

I only hope that you have enough love and friends that you will

always have a shoulder to cry on when you need it."

Then and there I knew the most important body part is not a

selfish one. It is sympathetic to the pain of others.

People will forget what you said...

People will forget what you did....

But people will NEVER forget how you made them feel.

True or not, the story makes you stop and think.

[Vishal Gupta 4]

10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations.

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends...

Stupid Question:-

Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:-

Dont u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

2. In the bus: A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...

Stupid Question:-

Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:-

No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.....why don't you try again.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask...

Stupid Question:-

Why, why him, of all people.

Answer:-

Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter

Stupid Question:-

Is ! the "Butter Paneer Masala" dish good??

Answer:-

No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together: When some distant aunt meets you after years...

Stupid Question:-

Munna, Chickoo, you've become so big.

Answer:-

Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...

Stupid Question:-

Is the guy you're marrying good?

Answer:-

No,he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive lout...it's just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...

Stupid Question:-

Sorry. were you sleeping?

Answer:-

No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping....you dumb witted moron.

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...

Stupid Question:-

Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer:-

No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...

Stupid Question:-

Tell me if it hurts?

Answer:-

No it wont. It will just bleed.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks...

Stupid Question:-

Oh, so you smoke.

Answer:-

Gosh, it's a miracle .......it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!

[Vishal Gupta 4]

*****"Aisi Apni Wife Ho"*****

5'6" jiski height ho,

Jeans jiski tight ho,

Chehra jiska bright ho,

Umar 22 se 27 ho,

Aisi apni Wife ho.

Sadak par sab kahe kya cute ho,

Phir main sabse kahun side ho, side ho,

Bambai, Delhi ya Gujarat ki paidaish ho,

Saas ki seva jiski khwahish ho

Aisi apni Wife ho.

Parosi jab baat kare to haath me knife ho,

Dinner kay time candle light ho,

Hum-tum me kabhi na koi fight ho,

Milne ke baad dil delight ho,

Yeh kavita padne ke baad log kahe "chikne, tum right ho",

Aisi apni Wife ho.

kaash yeh concept .0001 percent bhi right ho

agar aisi apni wife ho

to kya hasin life ho

har kisi ki yahi farmaish ho

kudrat ki bhi aazmaaish ho

khuda ke software mein bhi bug ki gunjaish ho

ay kaash, kahin to ek aisi paidaish ho

aisi apni wife ho!

[Vishal Gupta 4]

Silly Mistakes In Bollywood Movies

Baghban: Amitabh Bachchan and Hema Malini are separated right after Holi

remember Amitabh singing Holi khele Raghubeera?). They are said to be

separated for six months, ie from March to September. Within that

six-month period, they celebrate Valentine's Day, which falls on February 14, and

karva chauth, which is usually observed in October.

There is no way these two occasions could come between March and September!

Lagaan: Lagaan was shot in the late 19th century. At the time, an over in cricket used to consist of 8 balls. But in this movie, an over has 6 balls.

Maybe modern cricket learnt from the movie.

Amar Akbar Anthony: Three men donate blood at the same time to the same

person.

Awwal Number: Dev Anand is an omnipotent genius - former cricketer, captain, army chief, commissioner, you name it. And Aamir Khan carries a huge transistor in his pocket while batting!

Khalnayak: The police tracks the villain from an MS Word Document screen!

Something that office team will be interested in)

Pyar To Hona Hi Tha: Kajol gets off the train to use the public toilet at

the railway station and the train chugs off without her.

Poor girl,little did she know that every train compartment has four toilets inside.

Khiladiyon Ka Khiladi: Akshay Kumar boards a Jet Airways flight to America.

Well, well, some promotion for our Indian Jet Airways.

Since when did they start flying international?

Raja Hindustani: Navneet Nishan has short hair before marriage. After tying

the knot, she acquires waist-length hair overnight.

What a hair-raising experience!

Raja: Dilip Tahil empties a can of petrol over Madhuri Dixit. Minutes later, Sanjay Kapoor takes the same can and pours it over Dilip Tahil.

That's what I call an autofill!

Guddu: Manisha Koirala and Shah Rukh Khan are seen hanging on a

parachute during a song. But when the song ends, they land on a glider.

What a switch above sea level!

Tere Mere Sapne: Priya Gill is doing her BA. But at the bus stop, she is

carrying an electrical technology thesis by B L Theraja.

What an electrifying interest!

Watch the movie BULLET in which Video Conf is done in Outlook !

Also in Main Hoon Na shah rukh is sending an email to i think the general amrita rao's dad and he has powerpoint open on a blank slide!!!!

[Vishal Gupta 4]

Telephone Trick, ..only for the bored.

1. Grab a calculator.

2. Key in the first three digits of your telephone number (NOT the area code)

3. Multiply by 80

4. Add 1

5. Multiply by 250

6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number

7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.

8. Subtract 250

9. Divide number by 2

....................Do you recognize the answer?

[Vishal Gupta 4]

Once there was a PRINCIPAL of school,he was some how very much annoy to a boy call HARRY,so he was searching some resons to kick him out from the school,but he was not getting anything at last he approched her class teacher to do so,for that she will be going to get promotion,sohe asked her to screw him up like anything .

so here is the conversations bt'ween teacher and harry:-

Teacher: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?

Harry: "Legs"

Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" (The

principal wondered, why does she ask such a question!)

Harry: "Pockets"

Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants"

Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious

and contains thin whitish liquid?" (The principal's eyes open really wide

and before he could stop the answer...)

Harry: "Coconut"

Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

Harry: "Bubblegum"

Teacher: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down! and a

dog does on three legs?" (The principal's eyes open really wide and before

he could stop the answer...)

Harry: "Shake hands"

Teacher: "Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?"

Harry: "Yup"

Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I

get wet before you do"

Harry: "Tent"

Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored.

The best man always has me first" (Principal was looking restless and a bit

tense)

Harry: "Wedding Ring"

Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me,

you feel good"

Harry: "Nose"

Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver"

Harry: "Arrow"

Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of

excitement?"

Harry: "Fire truck"

[Vishal Gupta 4]

HOW WOULD A MUMBAI TAPORI GIVE AN ADVT.IN MATRIMONIAL COLUMN FOR A SUITABLE GIRL

---------------------------------------

Apun Pakia!!! Umar 30 saal,

wajan 80 killo aur

5 1/ 2 phoot height kya,

poora kasrat body !!!

......abhi wo bole to,

kya hai na apun ko bhi life me

settle hone ka maangta,

isiliye yeah adverteezment apun

paper me chaap riye la hai...

Apun maanta hai apun Tapori hai,

bahut log ka pungi bajayela hai magar

kya hai naa baap,

apun ka bhi izzat hai markit me!!!

Apun ko bhi public shaadi-biyah me bolati hai woh bhi

izzat se!

Saaal ka 5/6 peti to apun aaram se kama leta hai...

buri aadat bole to daaru aur bidi, abhi daaru kon

nahi pita - yaar. Akkha bada bada log apun log se

jaasti chada leta hai...

Ab chokiri apun ko aisa maangta hai...

Bole to aik dam jhakas maal, patakha, aik dam

patakha...

thoda padi likhi hongi to chalenga

kion ke saala yeah kabhi kabhi form bharne ke liye

saala apun ko 25 log ka hath pair jodna padta hai..

Apun jo hai na shaadi ki baad aik

dam sudhar jaayinga iman se...

apun ka baccha log ko apun pada likka tapori

banayinga...

bole to Tapori Doctor,Tapori computer waala aur bhi

bohat kuch...

Maa kasam shadi ke baad apun kisi bhi chikni ko line

nahi denga...

Dekho baap apun ko shadi ke baad me

koi chokri ki family ka lafda nahi maangta hai..

han bole to kabab me haddi nahi banane ka kya!

Koi saala beech mein aayenga to uska game baja

dalenga.

Abhi yeah sub accha lage to apun ko contact karne ka

kya!

Munna Mobile ke pichchoo,

Pappu Pager ka Right Hand,

ShanPatti Nagar,

Hairan Gali No. 420,

Pareshan Road, Bhai Ka Area.

Take care

[Vishal Gupta 4]

A PERFECT COUPLE

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a

perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was,

of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple

was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed

someone at the side of the road in distress.

Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus

with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on

the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into

their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple;

and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.

Question: Who was the survivor?

(Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it's worth it.)

Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really

existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa

Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

**** Women stop reading here, this is the end of the joke.

**** Men keep scrolling.

So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must

have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.

***** Men Keep scrolling

By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this

illustrates another point: Women never listen.

[shailu 1]

Very handy

A young man called Fergus wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart Ciara as they had not been together for very long and he wanted to surprise her.

After careful consideration, he decided that a pair of gloves

would strike the right note, not too romantic and not too personal.

Accompanied by his sister he went to the department store and bought a dainty pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself at the same time.

During the wrapping the shop assistant mixed up the two items and the sister got the gloves and Ciara got the panties.

Without checking the contents Daragh sealed the package (with akiss) and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:

Dear Ciara,

I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening.

If it had not been for my sister I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair that she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled at all.

I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart even though they were a little tight on her.

She also told me that her pair helps to keep her ring clean and shiny, in fact she had not needed to wash it since she had begun wearing them.

I wish I were there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off remember to blow into them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year.

I hope that you will wear them for me on Friday night."

All my love,

Fergus

P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

[shailu 1]

here is another really good one

The word ****

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word '****'. It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, '****' falls into many grammatical categories.

It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John ****ed Mary) and intransitive (Mary was ****ed by John).

It can be an action verb (John really gives a ****), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a ****), an adverb (Mary is ****ing interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific ****).

It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is ****ing beautiful) or an interjection (****! I'm late for my date with Mary).

It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, **** she's also stupid).

As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word '****'. Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations...

Greetings "How the **** are ya?"

Fraud "I got ****ed by the car dealer."

Resignation "Oh, **** it!"

Trouble "I guess I'm ****ed now."

Aggression "**** YOU!"

Disgust "**** me."

Confusion "What the ****.......?"

Difficulty "I don't understand this ****ing business!"

Despair "****ed again..."

Pleasure "I couldn't be ****ing happier."

Displeasure "What the **** is going on here?"

Lost "Where the **** are we."

Disbelief "UN****ING BELIEVABLE!"

Retaliation "Up your ****ing ***!"

Denial "I didn't ****ing do it."

Perplexity "I know **** all about it."

Apathy "Who really gives a ****, anyhow?"

Greetings "How the **** are ya?"

Suspicion "Who the **** are you?"

Panic "Let's get the **** out of here."

Directions "**** off."

Disbelief "How the **** did you do that?"

It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a ****ing *******."

It can be used to tell time- "It's five ****ing thirty."

It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this ****ing job?"

It can be maternal- "Mother ******."

It can be political- "**** Al Gore!"

It has also been used by many notable people throughout history...

"What the **** was that?"

- Mayor of Hiroshima

"Where the **** is all this water coming from?"

- Captain of the Titanic

"That's not a real ****ing gun."

- John Lennon

"Who's gonna ****ing find out?"

- Richard Nixon

"Heads are going to ****ing roll."

- Anne Boleyn

"Let the ****ing woman drive."

- Commander of Space Shuttle

"What ****ing map?"

- "Challenger," Mark Thatcher

"Any ****ing idiot could understand that."

- Albert Einstein

"It does so ****ing look like her!"

- Picasso

"How the **** did you work that out?"

- Pythagoras

"You want what on the ****ing ceiling?"

- Michaelangelo

"**** a duck."

- Walt Disney

"Why?- Because its ****ing there!"

- Edmund Hilary

"I don't suppose its gonna ****ing rain?"

- Joan of Arc

"Scattered ****ing showers my ***."

- Noah

"I need this parade like I need a ****ing hole in my head."

- John F. Kennedy

[Vishal Gupta 4]

At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that

most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and

that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by

saying, 'I know the whole truth.'

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes

home,and as he is greeted by his mother. He says, 'I

know the whole truth.' His mother quickly hands him Rs 20

and says, 'Just don't tell your father.'

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home

from work, and greets him with, 'I know the whole truth.'

The father promptly hands him Rs 40 and says,'Please

don't say a word to your mother.'

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next

day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The

boy greets him by saying, 'I know the whole truth.' The

mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and

says, 'Then come give your daddy a great big hug!'

[Vishal Gupta 4]

Top 14 humor of getting married, Have a good laugh:

#CASE 1

Getting married is like going to a restaurant

with friends. You order what you want, then when

you see what the other fellow has, you wish you

had ordered that.

#CASE 2

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another,

"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the

wrong finger??" The other replied, "Yes, I am. I

married the wrong man."

#CASE 3

Before a man is married, he is incomplete.

Then when he is married, he is finished.

#CASE 4

Marriage is an institution in which a man losses

his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's status.

#CASE 5

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much

does it cost to get married??"

And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm

still paying for it."

#CASE 6

Young son : "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in

some parts of Africa, a man

doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"

Dad : "That happens in most countries son."

#CASE 7

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what

real happiness was until I got married, and then

it was too late."

#CASE 8

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take;

the husband gives and the wife takes

#CASE 9

When a newly married man looks happy, we know

why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy,

we wonder why. Affair ?

#CASE 10

Married life is very frustrating.

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and

the woman listens. In the second year, the woman

speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they

both speak and the neighbours listen.

#CASE 11

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You

know, I was a fool when I married you." And

husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and

didn't notice it."

#CASE 12

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified : "Wife

wanted". The next day, he received hundreds letters.

They all said the same thing "You can have mine."

#CASE 13

When a man opens the door of his car for his

wife, you can be sure of one thing : either the car is

new or his wife is new.

#CASE 14

A woman was telling her friend : "It is I who

made my husband a millionaire."

"And what was he before you married him?" the

friend asked.The woman replied,

"A multimillionaire."

[deepu 0]

DOTCOM BOOM

-------------------

[Sadikk 301]

Cool one deepu. keep it up.

[@ksh@T 20]

Dilli Ki Kahani

Ek din, mein dilli pahuncha, Station pe ek coolie se bahar jane ka rasta pooncha, Coolie ne kaha bahar jaake poocho. Maine khud hi rasta doondh liya, Bahar jaake taxiwale se pooncha, "bhai saab Aagre ka kitna loge?" Jawab mila, "bechna nahi hai.." Taxi chhod, maine bus pakad li, conductor se pooncha, "ji.. kya mein cigarette pi sakta hoon?" Wo gurrra kar bola, "hargiz nahi, yaha cigarette pina mana hai" Maine kaha, "par wo janab to pi rahe hai!"

Phir se gurrrraya, "usne mujhse pooncha nahi hai" Aagre pahucha, hotel gaya. Manager se kaha, "mujhe room chahiye, satve manzil pe" Manager ne kaha, "rahane ke liye ya koodne ke liye?" Room pahucha, waiter se kaha, "ek paani ka gilas milega."

Usne jawab diya, "nahi sahab, yaha to saare kanch ke milte hai." Hotel se nikla dost ke ghar jaane ke liye, Raste me ek sahab se pooncha, "janab, ye sadak kaha ko jaati hai?" Janab hans kar bole, "peechle bees saal se dekh rahan hoon, yahi padi hai...."

Dost ke ghar pahucha, to mujhe dekhte hi chownk pada Usne poocha, "dilli kaise aana hua?" Ab tak to mujhe bhi aadat pad gayi thi, to maine bhi jawab diya,"Train se.." Meri aaobhagat karne ke liye dost ne apni biwi se kaha,"areeee sunti ho... mera dost pehli baar ghar aaya hai, uuse kuch taja taja khilao.." Sunte hi bhabhiji ne ghar ki sari khidkiya aur darwaje khol diye. Kaha, "taji hawa kha lijiye." Dost ne phir se badi pyar se biwi se kaha, "areeee sunti ho...inhe jara apna chalis saal purana aachar to dikhana." Bhabiji ek batli me rakha aachar le aayi, Maine bhi apnapan dikhate hue bhabiji se kaha, "bhabhiji, aachar sirf dikhayengi, chakhayengi nahi....?" Bhabiji ne taak jawab diya, "yuhi agar sab ko chakhati to aachar chalis saal purana kaise hota..?" Thodi der baad dekha, bhabiji apne pote ko soola rahi thi, Saath me lori bhi ga rahi thi, "diploma so ja, diploma so ja." Lori soon mein hairan hua aur dost se poocha, "yaar ye diploma kya hai?" Dost ne jawab diya, "mere pote ka naam, Beti bambai gayi thi, diploma lene ke liye aur saath mein ise le aayi, isiliye hamne iska naam diploma rakh diya." Phir maine pooncha, "aajkal tumhari beti kya kar rahi hai?" Dost ne jawab diya, "bambai gayi hai, degree lene ke liye...."

Akshat 'desijallad' Jain

[Vishal Gupta 4]

FACTS about your dialy life, U'll surely love to know these things.

1.) Coca-Cola was originally green.

2.) Amount American Airlines saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served first class: $40,000.

3.) City with most Rolls Royce`s per capita : Hong Kong.

4.) State with highest % of people who walk to work: Alaska.

5.) Percent of Africa that is wilderness : 28%.

6.) Percent of America that is wilderness : 38%.

7.) A duck`s quack does not echo and no one knows why.

8.) Cost of raising a medium size dog to age of 11 : $6400.

9.) Number of people airborne over US at any given time : 61,000.

10.) Intelligent people have more copper and zinc in their hair.

11.) The youngest pope was 11 years old.

12.) Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other country.

13.) The sentence `The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.' uses every letter in the alphabet and was developed by Western Union to test telex/twx communications.

14.) Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

15.) The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

16.) The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.

17.) Hang On Sloopy is the official rock song of Ohio.

18.) The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

19.) When opossums are playing `possum,' they are not `playing.` They actually pass out from sheer terror.

20.) The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

21.) Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades - King David, Clubs - Alexander the Great, Hearts - Charlemagne, and Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

22.) 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

23.) Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down--hence the expression `to get fired.'

24.) Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn`t added until 5 years later.

25.) 'I am.` is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

26.) Hershey`s Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it`s kissing the conveyor belt.

27.) An ostrich`s eye is bigger that it`s brain.

28.) The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.

29.) The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

30.) David Prowse was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars. He spoke all of Vader`s lines, and didn`t know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie.

31.) The Pentagon, in Arlington, Virginia, has twice as many bathrooms as is necessary. When it was built in the 1940s, the state of Virginia still had segregation laws requiring separate toilet facilities for black and whites.

32.) The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

33.) The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.

34.) Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

35.) If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.

36.) NFL team which plays its home games in a domed stadium has never won a Superbowl.

37.) The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.

38.) Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

39.) The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan.

40.) In Cleveland, Ohio, it`s illegal to catch mice without a hunting license.

41.) There are an average of 178 sesame seeds on a McDonald`s Big Mac bun.

42.) Pound for pound, hamburgers cost more than new cars.

43.) The 3 most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

44.) When Heinz ketchup leaves the bottle, it travels at a rate of 25 miles per year.

45.) It`s possible to lead a cow upstairs..but not downstairs.

46.) The Bible has been translated into Klingon.

47.) Humans are the only primates that don`t have pigment in the palms of their hands.

48.) Ten percent of the Russian government`s income comes from the sale of vodka.

49.) Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.

50.) In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all the world`s nuclear weapons combined.

51.) Reno, Nevada is west of Los Angeles, California.

52.) Average age of top GM executives in 1994: 49.8 years. Average age of the Rolling Stones: 50.6.

53.) Elephants can`t jump. Every other mammal can.

54.) If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months, and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

55.) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

56.) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

57.) On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

58.) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

59.) It`s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.

60.) Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.

61.) Every time you lick a stamp you`re consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

62.) Did you know that your are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider?

63.) Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

64.) In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

65.) A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

66.) The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

67.) Polar bears are left-handed.

68.) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds, that makes the catfish rank #1 for animal having the most taste buds.

69.) The flea can jump 350 times its body length--that is like a human jumping the length of a football field.

70.) A cockroach will live nine days without it`s head before it starves to death.

71.) Butterflies taste with their feet.

72.) Chewing on gum while cutting onions can help a person from stop producing tears. Try it next time you chop onions!!!!!!!!!!

73.) Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient!

74.) Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name.

75.) Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite.

76.) The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle.

77.) To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe.

78.) Canadians can send letters with personalized postage stamps showing their own photos on each stamp.

79.) Babies' eyes do not produce tears until the baby is approximately six to eight weeks old.

80.) It snowed in the Sahara Desert in February of 1979.

81.) Plants watered with warm water grow larger and more quickly than plants watered with cold water.

82.) Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

83.) Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.

84.) Those stars and colours you see when you rub your eyes are called phosphenes.

85.) Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

86.) Everyone's tongue print is different, like fingerprints.

87.) Contrary to popular belief, a swallowed chewing gum doesn't stay in the gut. It will pass through the system and be excreted.

88.) At 40 Centigrade a person loses about 14.4 calories per hour by breathing.

89.) There is a hotel in Sweden built entirely out of ice; it is rebuilt every year.

90.) Cats, camels and giraffes are the only animals in the world that walk rightfoot, right foot, left foot, left foot, rather than right foot, left foot.

91.) Onions help reduce cholesterol if eaten after a atty meal.

92.) The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.

[Sadikk 301]

Year : 2020

Place: Two Americans at IBM, USA

Currency Conversion Rate: Rs. 1/- = US$ 100/-.

Alex : Hi John, you didn't come yesterday to office?

John : Yeah, I was in Indian Embassy for stamping.

Alex: Oh really, what happened, I heard that nowadays it has become very

strict.

John : Yeah, but I managed to get it.

Alex : How long it took to get it stamped?

John : Oh, it was nasty man, long queue. Bill Gates was standing in front

of me and they played with him like anything. Thats why it got delayed. I

went there at 2 am itself and waited and returned by 4 pm.

Alex : Really? In India, it is a matter of an hour to get stamped for USA

John : Yeah, but that is because who in India will be interested in coming

to USA man, their economy has been booming.

Alex : So, when are you leaving?

John : Anytime, after receiving my tickets from the client in India and you

know, I will be getting a chance to fly Air-India. Sort of dream come true.

Alex : How long are you going to stay in India.

John : What do you mean by how long. I will be settled in India, my company

has promised me that they will process my Hara Patta.

Alex : Really, lucky person man, it is very difficult to get a Hara Patta

in India.

John : Yeah, thats why, I am planning to marry an Indian girl there.

Alex : But you can find lots of US girls in Hyderabad Bangalore and Mumbai.

John : But, I prefer Indian girls because they are beautiful and cultured.

Alex : Where did you get the offer, Hyderabad?

John : Yeah, salary is good there, but cost of living is quite high, it is

Rs. 1000/- for a single room accommodation.

Alex : I see, that's too much for US people, Rs. 1/- = $ 100/-. Oh God!

What about in Chennai, Mumbai?

John : No idea, but it is less than what we have in Hyderabad. It is like

the world headquarters of Software.

Alex : I heard, almost all the Indians are having one personal Robot for

help.

John : You can get a BMW car for Rs. 5000/-, and a personal Robot for less

than Rs. 7500/-. But my dream is to purchase Ambassador, which costs

Rs.200000/- but has got a sexy design.

Alex : By the way, who is your client?

John : Reddy and Naidu Associates, a pure Indian company, specializing in

Embedded Software.

Alex : Oh, really, lucky to work in a pure Indian company. They are really

intelligent and unlike American Bodyshoppers who have opened their

Fly-by-night outfits in India. Indian companies pay you in full even when

you are on bench. My friend Paul Allen, it seems, used his bench time to

visit Bihar, the most livable place in India, probably world. There you

have full freedom and no restrictions. You can do whatever you want! I

wonder how that state has perfected that system.

John : Yeah man, you are right. I hope our America also follows their

footsteps.

Alex : How are you going to cope with their language?

John : Why not? From my school days I have been learning Hindi as my first

language here at New York. At the Consulate they tested my proficiency in

Hindi and were quite impressed by my cent percent score in TOHIL i.e.Test

of Hindi as International Language.

Alex : So, you are going to have fun there.

John : Yeah, I will be travelling in the world's fastest train, world's

largest theme park, and the famous Bollywood where you can see actors like,

Hrithik, and all. Esselworld is also near to Bollywood.

Alex : You know, the PM is scheduled to visit US next year, he may then

relax the number of visas.

John : That's true. Last month, Narayanamurthy visited White House and

donated Rs. 2000/- for infrastructure development at Silicon Valley and has

promised more if we follow the model of High-Tech City of Hyderabad.Bill

Gates also got a chance of meeting him. Very lucky person!

Alex : But, Indian government is planning to split Narayanamurthy's

Infosys.

John : He is a hard worker man, he can build any number of Infosys like

this. Every minute he is getting Rs. 1000/-. It seems, if you keep all his

money converted as Rs. 100/- notes you can reach Pluto.

Alex : OK, Good Luck John.

John : Same to you Alex. And don't go to Consulate in a Kurta Pyjama

because they will think you are too Indianised and may doubt you will ever

come back and hence your Non-Immigrant Visa may get rejected. But don't

forget to say "Namaste, aap kaise hai" to the Visa officer at Window 5. It

seems he likes that and will not give you a visa if you don't greet him

that way.

Now ........ STOP Dreaming ............ & Continue work....Ha Ha Ha........

[Vishal Gupta 4]

WHY NEWTON COMMITTED SUICIDE

Here is the reason.

Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk and apologized for everything he had done.

In the movies of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to such an extent that

he went paranoid. Here are a few scenes

1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to the doctors can't be

cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes

through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!

2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters.

Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife.

Guess, what he does?

He throws the knife at the middle gangster? & shoots

the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which

kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the

knife kills the middle one.

3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth has a revolver but no

bullets in it. Guess, what he does. Nah? not even in your remotest

imaginations.

He waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the gangster shoots,

Rajanikanth opens the bullet compartment of his revolver and catches the

bullet. Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun.

Bang...

the gangster dies... This was too much for our Newton to take! He was

completely shaken and decided to go back. But he happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at least one

movie would follow his theory of physics.

The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all in the world hasn't

changed. Oops, not so fast!

The 'climax' finally arrives.

Rajanikanth gets to know that the villain is on the other side of a very

high wall. So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one

of those superman techniques that our heroes normally use.

Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the climax.

(Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually

impossible?)

Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets. He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and shoots at the trigger of the first

gun in air. The first gun fires off and the villain is dead.

Newton commits suicide...

[Utsav 0]

Take Dr. Phil's Test for knowing yourself.

[Utsav 0]

See How bullish he can go who is acclaimed to be the Boss of the World nowadays!

[Vishal Gupta 4]

A collection of ToUnGe TwIsTeRs

1. If you understand, say "understand". If you don't understand, say "don't understand". But if you

understand and say "don't understand".How do I understand that you understand? Understand!

2. I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won't wish

the wish you wish to wish.

3. Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.

4. A sailor went to sea to see, what he could see. And all he could see was sea, sea, sea.

5. Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People

6. If two witches were watching two watches, which witch would watch which watch?

7. I thought a thought.But the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought. If the thought

I thought I thought had been the thought I thought, I wouldn't have thought so much.

8. Once a fellow met a fellow In a field of beans. Said a fellow to a fellow, "If a fellow asks a fellow,

Can a fellow tell a fellow What a fellow means?"

9. Mr Inside went over to see Mr Outside. Mr Inside stood outside and called to MrOutside inside. Mr

Outside answered Mr Inside from inside and Told Mr Inside to come inside. Mr Inside said "NO",

and told Mr Outside to come outside. MrOutside and Mr Inside argued from inside and outside about

going outside or coming inside. Finally, Mr Outside coaxed Mr Inside to come inside, then both Mr

Outside and Mr Inside went outside to the riverside.

10. SHE SELLS SEA SHELLS ON THE SEA SHORE , BUT THE SEA SHELLS THAT SHE

SELLS, ON THE SEA SHORE ARE NOT THE REAL ONES

11. The owner of the inside inn was inside his inside inn with his inside outside his inside inn.

12. If one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the doctor doctor the doctor the

way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors

doctors?

"When a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctor

the doctor in his own way or does the doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's

way"

13. We surely shall see the sun shine shortly. Whether the weather be fine, Or whether the weather be

not, Whether the weather be cold Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather Whatever

the weather, Whether we like it or not. watch? Whether the weather is hot. Whether the weather is

cold. Whether the weather is either or not. It is whether we like it or not.

14. Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.

15. A flea and a fly in a flue Said the fly "Oh what should we do" Said the flea" Let us fly Said the

fly"Let us flee" So they flew through a flaw in the flue

16. If you tell Tom to tell a tongue-twister his tongue will be twisted as tongue-twister twists tongues.

17. Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw Before

Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had Soar seen See's saw Before See sawed Soar's seesaw,

See's saw would not have sawed Soar's seesaw. So See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.But it was sad to

see Soar so sore Just because See's saw sawed Soar's seesaw.